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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
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Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
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Why is it that when someone tells you there are a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but when they say there's wet paint somewhere, you just have to touch it to make sure?
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You ever wonder why we say we ‘park’ in a driveway but ‘drive’ on a parkway? Who came up with these word gymnastics, and can we have a meeting about it?
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Ever noticed how 'fun size' candy bars are never as fun as a full-size candy bar? Who decided that less candy equals more fun? I want words with that person!
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Why is it that the one sock that disappears in the laundry is always your favorite sock? I swear, socks have secret escape plans!
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Why do we call it 'taking a dump'? Like, where are we taking it? Are we supposed to drop it off somewhere later?
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You ever wonder why 'abbreviated' is such a long word? It’s like, couldn’t they have shortened it a bit for our sake?
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Why do we say 'heads up' when we really mean 'duck down' to avoid getting hit? Heads up, duck down! It's confusing!
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You ever notice how the word 'queue' looks like it's just waiting in line for another 'u'? Poor thing, it’s been waiting forever!
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You know what's funny? Why do we say 'sleep like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours crying? I don’t wanna sleep like that!
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