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Let's talk about splitting bills, shall we? It's like playing financial Jenga. You order a salad, they get the surf and turf, and suddenly it's, "Let's just split it evenly." Hold up! I didn't know we were forming a food commune here. I'm not subsidizing your lobster tail addiction. And then there's the friend who conveniently forgets their wallet every time the bill comes. "Oh, I left it in the car." Really? You made it through a three-course meal without realizing you left your wallet in Narnia? I should've left you in the car!
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You ever notice how giving money to people can be more awkward than a penguin trying to salsa dance? I mean, you think you're doing a good deed, but it turns into this weird social transaction. You know what I'm talking about? You lend a friend some cash, and suddenly you're the financial advisor they never asked for. "Hey, remember that twenty bucks? Well, I've been thinking about investing it in stocks. What do you think?" I'm like, "I think I just wanted you to pay me back, not turn me into Warren Buffett."
And then there's the whole issue of remembering who owes you what. I tried keeping track once, but my list looked like the matrix by the end of the month. People owe me money I forgot about, and I'm too embarrassed to ask because I can't even remember what it was for.
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You ever notice how money has the power to turn even the closest friends into negotiators? It's like I'm on Pawn Stars every time I ask for my money back. "I'll give you $10 now, but I need a month to come up with the rest. Best I can do." I'm not running a lending library; I just want my cash back, not a payment plan. And then there's the guilt trip – the emotional manipulation people use when they owe you money. "You know, I've been going through a tough time." Yeah, well, my bank account has been going through a tough time too, and it needs some emotional support in the form of dollars and cents.
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Have you ever lent money to a friend who turns into a financial detective? "I can pay you back $10 on Tuesday, $5 on Friday, and the remaining $5 next month, but only if Mercury is in retrograde." I didn't realize I was signing up for installment payments and an astrology lesson. And the excuses people come up with to avoid paying you back? "I'm broke right now." Broke? You just posted pictures of your weekend getaway in Bali. You're not broke; you're financially selective.
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