4 Jokes For Weird

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jan 16 2025

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Have you noticed the bizarre food trends lately? I mean, who came up with the idea of putting kale in everything? Kale chips, kale smoothies, kale ice cream—I wouldn't be surprised if there's kale-flavored toothpaste now. I tried a kale smoothie once, and it tasted like a lawnmower accident.
And then there's the obsession with avocado. Avocado toast, avocado ice cream, avocado in your coffee—what's next, avocado-flavored toothpaste with kale bits? I feel like I'm living in a world where fruits and vegetables are having a popularity contest, and the weirdest ones win.
I want to start a new food trend. How about pizza-flavored broccoli? Imagine a world where kids are fighting over the last piece of broccoli because it tastes like their favorite pizza. It's time to give vegetables a makeover, don't you think?
I've been thinking about superpowers lately. We always hear about the cool ones like flying, invisibility, or super strength. But what if there were superpowers that were just plain weird?
Imagine having the power to make your Wi-Fi signal stronger by just staring at the router. Or the ability to instantly fold fitted sheets perfectly. I could be the superhero of laundry day—Captain Wrinkle-Free!
And what about the power to make people's phone batteries last longer just by standing next to them? Move over, Superman, here comes Battery Savior! I bet the Avengers would love to have me on their team.
You ever notice how everyone has their own level of weirdness? It's like a secret scale that only comes out when you least expect it. You meet someone, and at first, they seem normal, but give it some time, and bam! The weirdness hits you like a surprise party you never wanted.
I met this guy the other day who seemed completely ordinary. We're chatting about the weather, sports, you know, the usual small talk. Then out of nowhere, he proudly announces, "I collect toenail clippings." I'm like, "Excuse me, what?" I didn't even know that was a hobby. I mean, is there a toenail clippings collectors' convention I missed?
I think we need a new dating app where you can swipe left if someone's weirdness level is too high. Like, "Oh, you like long walks on the beach and collecting antique spoons? Sorry, I'm looking for someone with a more reasonable level of weird.
Let's talk about phobias. We all have our fears, right? But some people have the weirdest phobias. I met someone who's terrified of the sound of Velcro. I mean, how do you even discover that? Did they have a traumatic Velcro experience as a child?
And then there's the fear of buttons. Yes, buttons! Imagine not being able to wear a shirt because it has buttons. It's like living in a world where fashion is your worst nightmare. "Sorry, I can't go out tonight; I'm wearing a button-down shirt."
I think we should be more understanding of people's phobias, though. I mean, we all have our quirks. Personally, I'm terrified of accidentally sending a text to the wrong person. My heart skips a beat every time I hit that send button. Maybe that's a phobia too—textaphobia, anyone?

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