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Joke Types
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Why did the hourglass get promoted? It had a talent for keeping things under its 'control'!
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Why did the sloth get a job at the clock factory? It could handle things at its own pace!
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Why did the watch go to therapy? It had too many ticks and was running out of tocks!
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I bought a new calendar, but all the days were blank. I guess it's for people who want to plan nothing!
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Why did the procrastinator start a gardening club? Because they wanted to grow a little at a time!
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Why did the calendar apply for a job? It wanted to have some 'dates' in its life!
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Why did the smartphone apply for a job? It wanted to have a more 'hands-on' experience!
Email Avoidance Expert
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I'm so good at avoiding emails that if it were an Olympic sport, I'd be the Michael Phelps of ignoring important messages. I see that unread email count rise, and I'm like, Oh, would you look at that? The inbox is doing a magic trick, making emails disappear. How fascinating!
Social Media Guru
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You know you're wasting time when your phone sends you a weekly screen time report, and it comes with a sympathy note. Dear user, we're concerned. Please tell us you have a life outside these apps. I bet even Mark Zuckerberg looks at my stats and goes, Dude, get a grip.
Bedtime Procrastinator
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I've become a bedtime procrastinator. It's like my brain suddenly becomes a stand-up comedian right when I'm about to sleep. Hey, remember that embarrassing thing you did ten years ago? Let's analyze it for the next two hours. My brain needs a chill pill and a curfew.
Coffee Break Maestro
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I've become a maestro at taking coffee breaks. My coffee maker and I have this unspoken bond where it knows when to perk up because I'm about to take my 47th break of the day. Forget Mozart; my symphony is the sound of the coffee machine signaling another intermission in my productivity concert.
Time-Traveler Wannabe
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I often find myself daydreaming about time travel. Not to change historical events, mind you, but to go back and tell my past self, Hey, stop wasting time on that haircut experiment; it won't make you look like a rockstar; it'll make you look like you lost a bet.
Netflix Marathon Champion
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I've become a Netflix marathon champion. My binge-watching skills are so honed; they should give me a black belt in sitting on the couch. I don't know what's more impressive—the number of shows I've watched or my ability to convince myself that it's productive because I'm learning about different cultures.
Wasting Time Olympics
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You ever feel like you're training for the Wasting Time Olympics? I mean, I'm so good at it, I should be an Olympic gold medalist by now. Forget sprinting or swimming; I'm a pro at scrolling through my phone for hours. They should have a category for that. I'd bring home the bacon, or at least some virtual bacon from a mobile game.
Master Procrastinator
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I'm such a master procrastinator; I should put it on my resume. Instead of Skills, I'll just have a section that says Wasted Hours Achievements. I once spent an entire day rearranging my sock drawer just to avoid doing something important. My socks have never been happier or more organized, though.
Online Shopping Expert
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I've reached expert level in online shopping. If there were an Olympic event for finding the best deals, I'd be standing on the podium, holding my credit card like it's a gold medal. My mailbox is my arena, and the delivery person is the referee declaring me the champion of unnecessary purchases.
Google Search Explorer
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I'm the Christopher Columbus of Google searches. I start with a clear destination, but somehow end up in uncharted territories like Why do flamingos stand on one leg? I might not have found a new continent, but I did discover that flamingos have better balance than I do.
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