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You know you're deep into Warhammer when you start using terms like "miniature wargaming" to explain your weekend activities. Miniature wargaming? Sounds like a hobby for tiny generals with tiny strategies.
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Have you ever tried explaining Warhammer to someone who's not into it? It's like describing a complex fantasy novel written in a language only you and a handful of elves understand. "So, you see, my Space Marines are battling the Chaos Daemons in the grim darkness of the far future..." Yeah, I lost them at "Space Marines.
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The most suspenseful moment in Warhammer is when you roll the dice to determine the outcome of a critical battle. It's like watching the world's tiniest high-stakes gambling game. "Come on, lucky number six! Daddy needs a new set of fantasy realms!
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Warhammer is the only game where you can spend more time strategizing your moves than you do planning your life. I've seen people debating the best way to attack a fictional orc more intensely than they discuss their career choices.
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Warhammer players have the patience of saints. I once witnessed a guy spend an entire afternoon trying to glue a tiny sword onto a tiny warrior's hand. I thought, "Dude, if this were a real battle, your warrior would've been defeated by a gust of wind by now.
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The first rule of Warhammer is to never touch another person's miniatures without permission. It's like a sacred trust – you can know their deepest secrets, but touch their figurines without permission, and you've crossed a line. It's like miniature diplomacy.
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Warhammer is the only game where losing is still satisfying because your opponent spent so much time admiring their beautifully painted army that they forgot to plan a decent strategy. Victory by distraction!
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Warhammer is like playing chess, but instead of moving pieces, you're arranging an intricate battlefield with miniature tanks, wizards, and dragons. It's like, "Checkmate, but with a dragon swooping in for the kill.
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You can always spot a Warhammer player in a crowd. They're the ones with tiny paint stains on their fingers, a look of intense concentration, and a bag full of miniatures that they guard like they're carrying the world's tiniest, most valuable treasure.
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I tried playing Warhammer once, but after spending three hours painting one miniature, I realized my artistic talent maxes out at drawing stick figures. My opponent had this beautifully painted army, and I had what looked like the cast of a preschool finger painting class.
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