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The Health Nut
Balancing a toxin-free lifestyle with the temptation of delicious but unhealthy food.
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I went to a party the other day, and someone offered me a cocktail. I asked, "Is this toxin-free?" The bartender looked at me like I was an alien. I just want to be sure that if I'm poisoning my body, at least it's with top-shelf poison.
The Organic Parent
Juggling the desire for a toxin-free environment for the kids while dealing with the chaos of everyday life.
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My kid came home from school saying, "Tommy's mom gives him candy every day. Can I have some too?" I'm like, "Sure, I'll give you some organic kale chips." Now, my child is the only one in kindergarten with a lawyer.
The Conspiracy Theorist
Believing that toxins are everywhere and everyone is out to get you.
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My friends laugh at me because I wear gloves to open doors, thinking they're covered in toxins. Well, let me tell you, I've got the cleanest hands in the room. Who's laughing now? Probably still them, but at least my hands are toxin-free.
The Fitness Fanatic
Balancing the pursuit of a toxin-free body with the reality of the occasional cheat day.
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My friends asked me if I wanted to grab a drink after the gym. I said, "Sure, as long as it's a toxin-free, gluten-free, sugar-free, taste-free drink. I'll have water. On the rocks.
The Lazy Environmentalist
Wanting a toxin-free planet but not wanting to put in much effort.
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I wanted to start composting to reduce waste, but then I realized it involves going outside. So, I just named my trash can "compost" and pretended. I'm saving the planet in spirit, you know?
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