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Tinder bios are like a battlefield of insecurities. Everyone's trying to sell themselves, and you see a lot of height-related drama. There's always that one person who writes, "If you're under 6 feet, swipe left." Like, really? Are we auditioning for a role in the next Marvel movie, or are we just trying to find someone to grab coffee with? And don't get me started on the guys who add an inch or two to their height. I mean, we're not at a carnival playing the "Guess Your Height" game! It's like they think, "Maybe if I add an inch, I'll finally measure up to my own expectations.
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You ever find yourself scrolling through Tinder bios, and it's like trying to shop for a used car? You know, you're reading these bios, and it's all like, "Low mileage, well-maintained, only a few dents and scratches." And you're thinking, "Is this a date or am I browsing Craigslist for a '94 Honda Civic?" I saw this one profile that said, "I'm not like other girls." Well, that's a relief! I was worried I was about to date a replicant from Blade Runner. But seriously, if you have to start your bio with "I'm not like other girls," maybe you should consider therapy instead of Tinder.
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Tinder bios have become the emoji battleground. I saw a profile the other day that was just a series of emojis. I had to decipher it like it was some ancient hieroglyphic language. There were flames, pizza, a unicorn, and I'm thinking, "Is this a date or an invitation to a bizarre-themed potluck?" And then there's the person who uses only the laugh-crying emoji. You know, that person is either a stand-up comedian or has a really unhealthy relationship with dad jokes. "Haha, I'm crying on the inside" – yeah, we get it, you've mastered the art of virtual laughter.
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Can we talk about the group photos on Tinder? You ever come across a profile, and every photo is a group shot? And you're there trying to play detective like, "Okay, she's the one in the red dress, not the one holding the pineapple, and definitely not the one with the cat ears filter. Or is she the cat ears filter?" I'm convinced that some people just have a bunch of friends they rotate through for their Tinder pics. It's like a real-life episode of "Where's Waldo?" Except in this case, you're not looking for Waldo; you're looking for someone who can hold a conversation.
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