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I heard people say that jealousy can ruin a threesome. But what about the neglected pillow? Imagine being the forgotten, lonely pillow in the middle of all the action, just silently judging everyone. "Oh, great, another human sandwich. I miss the days when I was just supporting someone's head peacefully." And what if the pillow gets attached to one person more than the others? You wake up in the morning, and the pillow is giving you the silent treatment. "Oh, so you're cuddling with them now? I thought we had something special."
Maybe we should have a pillow therapist on standby, just to make sure all inanimate objects involved are emotionally supported. Because nobody wants a bitter pillow in their bedroom.
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You ever notice how there's no manual for threesomes? I mean, IKEA provides clearer instructions for assembling a coffee table than society does for navigating a threesome. There's no "Threesome for Dummies" book. Maybe there should be. Chapter 1: "How to Share Without Losing Your Mind." I can imagine the confusion. "Do I high-five the other person during? Is there a designated driver for the after-party? And who gets the middle spot in the bed? It's like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded.
If someone could just hand me a flowchart or a PowerPoint presentation titled "Threesomes: A User's Guide," I might be more inclined to consider it. Until then, I'll stick to simpler things, like figuring out why my TV remote has so many buttons.
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So, let's say you brave the storm and have a threesome. Congratulations! But now comes the awkward aftermath. Who sleeps where? Are cuddle rotations a thing? And how do you make breakfast without it being a weird love triangle omelet? I can barely handle the morning small talk after a one-on-one situation. Now, throw in a third wheel, and it's like trying to make conversation at a family reunion with people you just met. "So, do you take sugar in your coffee, and, by the way, what's your name again?"
Maybe we should have a post-threesome support group. "Hi, my name is [Your Name], and I recently survived a threesome." The first step is admitting you need help, right?
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You know, the other day someone asked me if I've ever had a threesome. Now, I don't know about you, but the mere idea of a threesome sounds like a logistical nightmare to me. I mean, just figuring out dinner plans with two friends is challenging enough. Now imagine adding intimacy to the mix! I can barely handle coordinating a group project at work, let alone orchestrating a synchronized dance of affection involving three people. It's like trying to juggle while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. And let's be honest, most of us can't even multitask texting and walking without running into a wall.
So, the next time someone suggests a threesome, I'll probably respond with, "Can we just order pizza instead?
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