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Can we address the emoji overload on Facebook? I miss the days when a simple "LOL" sufficed. Now, it's a full-blown emoji party. People communicate in hieroglyphics. I commented on a friend's post, and they replied with five laughing emojis, three heart emojis, a dancing cat, and a thumbs up. I had to hire a translator just to decipher it. And what's with the birthday wishes? It used to be a heartfelt message or a simple "Happy Birthday!" Now, it's a paragraph of emojis that require a Rosetta Stone to decode. "🎉🎂🎈🥳🎁" It's like I'm being wished happy birthday in Morse code.
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You ever get a friend request from someone you swear you've never met in your life? I got one the other day, and I was like, "Did we go to kindergarten together, and I forgot? Did we share a juice box in the sandbox?" I accepted, and now we're virtual BFFs. But here's the kicker—the phantom friend request. You know, the one where you get a notification, and you're like, "Who is this?" You click, and it's someone who has zero mutual friends, zero posts, and zero information. It's like a digital ghost saying, "Hey, I exist, but you'll never know who I am." Maybe they're secret agents or time travelers. I accepted one just in case they had news from the future. Turns out, they were just really into cat memes.
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Can we talk about the selfie epidemic on Facebook? I swear, some people's profile pictures are so filtered; they look like they've been painted by Renaissance artists. I saw a friend's picture, and I was like, "Are you auditioning for the next Mona Lisa?" It's not a profile picture; it's a masterpiece. And let's not forget the classic bathroom selfie. You know the one—the mirror, the duck face, the strategically placed peace sign. I tried it once, and I looked like I was auditioning for a toilet paper commercial. "For the softest bathroom experience, choose Charmin."
But my favorite is the "woke up like this" selfie. Really? You woke up with perfect hair, flawless skin, and a soft filter automatically applied? If I woke up like that, I'd think I'd been abducted by aliens and given a makeover.
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You guys on Facebook? Yeah? It's like the social media version of your high school reunion that never ends. I logged in the other day, and within five minutes, I was reminded of why I avoid it like a family reunion. It's not a social network; it's a circus! You ever notice how people on Facebook fall into two categories? The over-sharers and the mystery men. You got those friends who post what they had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. "Just had a cup of coffee, feeling caffeinated!" Wow, Susan, groundbreaking stuff. Then there are those who post once every leap year, and you're left wondering if they're still alive. It's like, "Hey, Dave, you there? Did you survive 2020, or did you get abducted by aliens?"
And don't get me started on the friend requests. Who are these people? It's like a digital version of "Stranger Danger." I'm just waiting for a friend request from my toaster at this point. "Your toaster wants to connect with you!" What's next, my fridge updating its status? "Chillin' with the veggies, feeling cool.
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