5 Jokes For Tape Measure

Double Meaning Jokes

Updated on: Jan 27 2025

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The Paranoid Homeowner

Measuring for home improvements or preparing for an alien invasion?
I caught my neighbor staring at my tape measure. I said, "Buddy, it's not a secret weapon—it's just a really long ruler!

The Mathematician

Finding the square root of a circular problem
My tape measure is like a math problem—sometimes it just doesn't add up. I swear it grows longer every time I use it!

The DIY Enthusiast

Trying to measure up to high expectations
My tape measure is so judgmental. Every time I use it, I feel like it's saying, "You call that eight inches? Please!

The Fashionista

When style meets practicality
I asked my tailor if he could make me a suit entirely out of tape measures. He said, "Sure, but it might not measure up to your expectations.

The Fitness Fanatic

Trying to measure gains while indulging in late-night snacks
My fitness app told me to measure my steps. I'm still trying to figure out how many inches equal one step. Turns out, it's a lot when you're walking to the fridge!

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