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Surgeons must have the patience of saints. They spend hours delicately stitching things up, while I can't even wait for my microwave to finish without pacing around like I'm on a timed mission. "Doc, can you teach me the art of serenely waiting for things, or is that skill only available in the operating room?
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Surgeons are like the ninjas of the medical world. They silently enter the room, clad in their scrubs, ready to perform a surgical jutsu. I half-expect them to throw a smoke bomb and disappear after the procedure, leaving me to wonder, "Did I just get surgery or was I in a magic show?
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Ever notice how surgeons always seem so calm? They could be facing the most complicated procedure, and they're as composed as a monk in a meditation session. Meanwhile, if I can't find my keys in the morning, I'm convinced it's the end of the world. "Doc, can you prescribe some of that surgical serenity for everyday life?
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Surgeons have this superhero-like ability to put on and take off their gloves in a single, seamless motion. Meanwhile, I struggle to put on regular gloves without turning them inside out and questioning the purpose of fingers altogether. "Is this thumb or pinky? Does it even matter?
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Surgeons are the real multitaskers. They can operate, carry on a conversation with the surgical team, and probably plan their next vacation in their heads all at once. Meanwhile, I struggle to chew gum and walk at the same time without looking like a confused penguin.
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You know you're getting older when your surgeon looks like they just graduated high school. I'm in the operating room thinking, "Is this the doctor or the summer intern? Either way, my life is in their hands, and they're probably Snapchatting the surgery.
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Surgeons have mastered the art of precision. Meanwhile, I can't even cut a straight line with a pair of scissors. "Sorry, doc, I tried to trim my own nails, and now I need reconstructive finger surgery. Can you add a little extra length while you're in there?
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Have you ever noticed how surgeons have the best poker faces? They could be operating on you, and you wouldn't know if everything's going smoothly or if they're secretly streaming a game of solitaire on their phone. "Don't worry, sir, your heart is in good hands – both literally and figuratively.
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Surgeons must have an incredible sense of direction. I get lost in a shopping mall, but these folks navigate the labyrinth of the human body like they're on a first-name basis with every organ. "Take a left at the spleen, make a U-turn at the pancreas, and voila – you've reached the heart. Just like Google Maps but with fewer road signs.
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Surgeons must have a secret competition to see who can come up with the most complicated medical terms. I imagine them in the breakroom, sipping coffee, and saying, "I just threw 'pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis' into my patient's diagnosis. Beat that, Steve!" It's like they're playing Scrabble with our health.
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