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Why do we always trust people named Sullivan with secrets? Every time you share something with them, they have that "I've heard this before" face. Either they know everyone's secrets, or they're just really good at pretending.
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Why is it that every time you ask someone about a famous fictional detective, they always mention Sherlock Holmes? What about Inspector Sullivan? Oh right, he was too busy trying to find his misplaced coffee cup.
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I met a guy named Sullivan the other day. He introduced himself as "Sully." And I thought, "Wow, even names are on abbreviations now. What's next? Just call me 'Come' instead of 'Comedian'?
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I went to a party, and someone introduced me to Sullivan as the life of the party. I looked around, and the guy was sitting in a corner, silently sipping his drink. If that's the life of the party, I'd hate to see the coma of the party!
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You ever get into an argument with someone and suddenly they bring up a Sullivan? Like, "You think you know about cars? My cousin Sullivan can change a tire in 10 seconds!" Oh yeah? Well, my uncle Bob can eat a sandwich in 5. What's your point?
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You ever notice that when you Google the name Sullivan, you get pages of results, but none of them are about how to pronounce it correctly? It's like everyone just assumes you know. "Sull-i-van? Sull-e-van? Sully-van?" I'm just here trying not to offend anyone!
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Have you ever noticed how whenever someone named Sullivan walks into a room, there's always that one person who says, "Ah, the legendary Sullivan!" And you're left wondering if they're talking about the same Sullivan who forgets his keys every other day.
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I tried meditation last week, and the instructor's name was Sullivan. Every time I tried to focus on my breathing, all I could think of was Sullivan's face. Now, every time I try to relax, I'm haunted by the idea of "What would Sullivan do?
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You ever notice how every neighborhood has that one house? You know, the one with the overgrown lawn and the mysterious vibe? If Scooby-Doo taught me anything, it's to never trust a "Sullivan" who lives in such a place!
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