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I heard Storm Troopers have some interesting side gigs. Yeah, when they're not missing their targets, they're doing odd jobs around the Death Star. Like, there's a Storm Trooper who specializes in fixing broken elevators. You know, because they've had so much experience hitting the button and nothing happening. And imagine being a Storm Trooper janitor. You're just trying to clean up the mess after a battle, and you're thinking, "If only I could aim this mop as well as I miss with my blaster."
But hey, they're not all bad. I heard there's a Storm Trooper who became a motivational speaker. His catchphrase? "If at first, you don't succeed, you're probably a Storm Trooper." It's all about embracing your failures, folks.
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I feel bad for Storm Troopers, you know? I mean, they're always masked up. It's like they're the original social distancers. I bet they have Storm Trooper support groups where they sit around and talk about how nobody recognizes them without their helmets. You never see a Storm Trooper at a party, mingling and having a good time. They're probably in the corner, sipping on their blue milk, wondering if anyone would notice if they just took off their helmet for a minute.
And dating must be a nightmare for them. Can you imagine trying to flirt when you look like you just stepped out of a sci-fi hazmat suit? "Hey, baby, I may not be able to shoot straight, but I promise my heart is on target. No, seriously, where is my heart? This armor is so confusing."
Maybe that's why they joined the Empire in the first place – the only job where it's acceptable to wear a helmet 24/7.
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I was thinking about the perks of being a Storm Trooper. You get a cool helmet, a blaster, and a lifetime supply of excuses for missing your target. "Oh, sorry, Darth Vader, I was aiming for the Rebel scum next to him. It's the Force, you know, it messes with my aim." And have you seen those laser blasts in the movies? They're like the slowest projectiles ever. You can dodge them by doing the Macarena. Storm Troopers have unintentionally created the world's first dance-off battlefield.
But here's the real question: Do they have Storm Trooper team-building exercises? "Today, we're going to work on our marksmanship. Everyone, aim at that barn over there. No, not the one right in front of you, the one a mile away. And... miss!
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You ever notice how Storm Troopers from Star Wars can't hit anything? I mean, these guys have the aim of a blindfolded toddler playing pin the tail on the donkey. I'm starting to think they're trained at the Storm Trooper Academy of Missing Every Shot. It's like their blasters are just props, and they're all secretly aspiring actors practicing their dramatic misses. I can imagine the Storm Trooper job interview: "So, can you shoot straight?" "Oh, absolutely not! I can't even hit the broad side of a Star Destroyer." "You're hired!"
And what's with that armor? They're wearing this super high-tech, futuristic armor, but it seems like it's made out of recycled yogurt containers. I bet the Storm Trooper health plan includes a lifetime supply of ibuprofen for all the times they accidentally bump into door frames.
But hey, they've got job security. The turnover rate for Storm Troopers must be insane. I mean, if you can't hit a Rebel Alliance member standing right in front of you, you might reconsider your career choices.
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