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So, my bike got stolen last week. I didn't realize how attached I was until I saw it disappearing down the street. I yelled, "Wait, we had so many places to go!" And now I'm stuck walking like it's the prehistoric era.
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You know you're an adult when losing your bike is more devastating than losing your favorite childhood toy. I miss that bike more than I miss my action figures. Well, maybe not more than my Batman action figure – that guy was my hero.
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I decided to get a new bike after mine was stolen. I went to the store, and the salesperson asked, "What features are you looking for?" I replied, "Well, preferably the anti-theft feature that doesn't involve someone else riding away on it.
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Losing your bike is like a crash course in the five stages of grief. First, denial – "No way, it can't be gone." Then anger – "Who steals a bike? Seriously?" Bargaining – "I promise to lock it up better next time." Depression – "I miss my bike." And finally, acceptance – "I guess I'll start saving for a new one.
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Losing a bike is like being in a relationship with a really low-maintenance partner. No drama, no emotional baggage, and then suddenly, they ghost you, leaving you wondering, "Was it something I said to the air pump?
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You ever notice how your stolen bike becomes a mythical creature in your neighborhood? People start saying things like, "I heard it's been spotted in the next town over," as if it's Bigfoot on two wheels.
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The worst part about losing my bike is that now I have to pretend to enjoy jogging. Have you tried jogging? It's like running but without the fun of being chased by something. No thanks, I'll stick to the leisurely pace of a stolen bike.
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You ever notice how losing your bike is like breaking up with a two-wheeled soulmate? One day you're riding together, wind in your hair, feeling alive, and the next day it's like, "Sorry, I met someone else with a shinier paint job.
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Losing my bike is like losing a member of the family. I mean, sure, it didn't contribute to conversations or pay bills, but it was always there, quietly supporting my laziness when I didn't feel like walking.
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