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Stepdad wisdom is a genre of its own. He once told me, "Life is like a sandwich – no matter how you flip it, the bread always comes first." I'm still trying to decode that one. Is he giving life advice or making a case for a sandwich-making championship?
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Have you ever asked your stepdad for directions? It's like entering a maze with a GPS that only speaks in metaphors. "Turn left where the old oak tree winks at the abandoned gas station, then follow the road that smells like grandma's cookies. You can't miss it!
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You know you have a stepdad when he starts giving you advice that sounds suspiciously like he's reading it off the back of a dad-joke cereal box. "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, kiddo!
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Stepdads and their fashion sense – it's a unique blend of "dad jokes" and questionable clothing choices. Hawaiian shirts at Christmas, socks with sandals, and the infamous fanny pack. I'm just waiting for him to bring back the mullet and call it a "business in the front, party in the back" hair strategy.
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Stepdads and their attempts at being cool are adorable. Mine tried to fist bump me the other day but ended up high-fiving his own face. It's like watching a giraffe try to breakdance – you appreciate the effort, but you can't help but cringe.
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You can always tell a stepdad's favorite chair by the distinct groove in the cushions. It's like a throne of authority and dad jokes. You sit down, and suddenly you're surrounded by a force field of puns and dad wisdom. I swear, there's a secret dad handbook that includes a chapter on perfecting the art of chair indentation.
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Ever notice how stepdads have their own language for technology? "Back in my day, we didn't have smartphones. If you wanted to talk to someone, you had to walk uphill both ways to their house and knock on their door. And we liked it!
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Stepdads and their car maintenance rituals are a sight to behold. Opening the hood is like a sacred ceremony, complete with chanting about oil changes and offerings to the automotive gods. Meanwhile, I'm just hoping my car doesn't decide to retire on the side of the highway.
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Stepdads have this magical ability to fix anything with duct tape. I once had a leaky faucet, and he's there wrapping it up like it's a birthday present. I half expected him to put a bow on it and say, "There you go, good as new! Happy Plumbing Day!
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Stepdads and their grilling skills are on a whole other level. It doesn't matter if it's snowing or if there's a tornado warning; if it's the weekend, we're having a barbecue. I'm convinced they believe the grill is a portal to another dimension where all problems are solved with burgers and bratwurst.
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