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Why is it that every time I greet someone, they expect me to say the same things? "Hey, how are you?" "What's up?" "How's it going?" It's like we're all following a script, and if I deviate from the standard greeting, people look at me like I just recited the alphabet backward in Swahili. I decided to mix things up recently. Instead of asking, "How are you?" I said, "What's the latest gossip in your life?" Let me tell you, it was like I had violated some unspoken social contract. My friend stared at me and said, "Are you okay?" Yes, I'm okay! I'm just trying to revolutionize small talk, one unconventional greeting at a time.
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Have you noticed that everyone's selfie pose is starting to look the same? It's like there's a secret society that dictates how we should hold our phones and angle our faces for the perfect selfie. I tried to strike a unique pose the other day, and my friend said, "Dude, that's so 2018." I didn't realize there was a selfie fashion police! I swear, one day we're going to walk into a museum, and there'll be a section dedicated to the evolution of selfie poses. "Here we have the classic duck face from the early 2010s, followed by the infamous peace sign of the mid-2010s." I can't wait for the day someone tries to bring back the MySpace angle. Good luck with that!
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You ever notice how everything these days has to be standardized? I mean, we're living in a world where even our jokes have to be up to some sort of standard. Who came up with that idea? I didn't get the memo on the Official International Joke Standards Committee! I imagine there's a bunch of people in a room somewhere, arguing about the proper setup for a knock-knock joke. And then there's the standardized testing. Oh, don't get me started on that. I took a personality test the other day, and it said I was 75% extroverted. I thought, "Well, the test clearly hasn't seen me trying to make small talk at a party."
But seriously, standardization is everywhere. They even want our laughter to be standardized. Can you imagine if we all had to laugh the same way? It would be like a creepy sitcom where a laugh track follows you around in real life. "Honey, I got a promotion." Cue the mandatory laughter!
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Apologies these days are so standardized. It's like we have a handbook for saying sorry. "I'm sorry if I offended you." What does that even mean? It's like a half-hearted apology with a built-in escape clause. "I'm sorry if you're sensitive enough to be offended by my brilliance." I think we need a new way of apologizing, something with a bit more flair. How about, "I apologize for the temporary insanity that led to the misunderstanding of my incredibly witty remark"? It's not my fault you didn't get my genius humor. Let's spice up the apology game a bit, people!
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