4 Jokes For Square

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Sep 03 2024

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Have you noticed how our social media profiles have turned into squares? I remember when our profile pictures were free-spirited circles, but now we're all trying to fit our lives into these square boxes like we're pieces in a social media jigsaw puzzle.
I tried uploading a panoramic photo, and Instagram was like, "Sorry, this doesn't fit our square agenda." Now, my beautiful landscape looks like it got stuck in a shrinking machine. Can we bring back the circles, please? I want my profile picture to say, "I'm here to enjoy life, not squeeze it into a square."
And what's with the obsession with the perfect square photo? Every influencer out there is like, "Living my best square life." I don't want a square life; I want a life with some angles, some curves, and maybe a filter that makes me look like I've had eight hours of sleep.
So, let's break free from the tyranny of the square. Life is messy, and so are we – let's not try to fit it all into a little box on our screens.
You ever notice how everything seems to be getting squarer these days? I mean, we used to have round pizzas, and now we've got these square ones. What's next, triangular burgers? I don't know about you, but I'm not ready for a three-sided Big Mac.
I went to a friend's house the other day, and they had this fancy new square toilet seat. Now, call me old-fashioned, but I like a circular throne. It just feels more natural, you know? Sitting on a square toilet seat is like trying to find comfort on a geometry test – it's just not gonna happen.
And don't even get me started on square dance floors. I went to a club, and I felt like I was in a game of human chess. Every time I tried to dance, I felt like I was violating some geometric code. I miss the days when the only square thing on the dance floor was my awkwardness.
So, here's my proposal: let's keep things round where they should be. Pizza, toilets, dance floors – let's stick to the classics. Because when life gets too square, it's time to bring back some curves.
Have you ever noticed how everything claims to be a square deal these days? You buy a new gadget, and the salesman is like, "This is a square deal, my friend!" But what does that even mean? Are we trading in shapes now?
I tried to negotiate with my landlord the other day. I said, "Hey, can we work out a square deal on the rent?" He looked at me like I suggested we pay in Monopoly money. A square deal on rent? Apparently, my landlord didn't get the memo that we're living in a geometrically progressive society.
And what's up with those square-shaped ice cream containers? I bought one, and it claimed to be a square deal for my sweet tooth. But when I opened it, the only thing square about it was the disappointment. I want a round deal for my ice cream – that way, every scoop feels like a celebration.
So, next time someone offers you a square deal, just remember: life is too short for angular agreements. Give me a good old-fashioned round deal any day.
You ever feel like your emotions are playing a game of Tetris? One moment you're happy, the next you're sad, and suddenly, anger drops in like that stubborn L-shaped block that ruins your whole plan.
I tried expressing my feelings to a friend, and they were like, "Dude, you're too square with your emotions." I didn't realize emotions had to fit into this perfect geometric mold. Last time I checked, life wasn't a geometry class where my emotional state needed to be a right angle.
And don't get me started on emojis. Now we've got these square emojis trying to convey our emotions. I send a smiley face, and it looks like I'm sending a pixelated hieroglyphic. I miss the good old days when a simple round smiley face got the message across without feeling like I needed a decoder ring.
So, let's embrace the messiness of our emotions. Life is not a perfect square – it's more like a scribbled doodle, and that's what makes it interesting.

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