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The Speed Bump Designer
Balancing safety and annoyance
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My boss told me we need to make the speed bumps more visible. I suggested adding neon lights and a disco ball. He wasn't amused. Apparently, safety is more important than a dance party on the road.
The Speed Bump Whisperer
Communicating with speed bumps on a spiritual level
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I tried meditating with a speed bump once, seeking enlightenment. It didn't work, but my car's alignment felt more centered. Maybe that's the key to automotive zen.
The Speed Bump Anthropologist
Studying the impact of speed bumps on human behavior
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I proposed a speed bump Olympics to the city council. Imagine synchronized speed bump hurdling and freestyle slalom. They rejected it, but I'm convinced it would be the next big thing in sports entertainment.
The Speed Bump Skeptic
Believing speed bumps are part of a government conspiracy
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You know you're a true speed bump skeptic when you start carrying a tinfoil hat in your car, just in case the bumps try to read your mind. I refuse to let those asphalt conspirators know my deepest thoughts.
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