4 Jokes For Sitting On The Fence

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jul 29 2024

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You ever notice how being on the fence is like having a VIP pass to everyone else's drama? It's like I'm the Switzerland of friendships. People from Team A and Team B come to me with their problems, thinking I'll take their side. I'm like, "Listen, I'm not a mediator; I'm a spectator with a questionable seating choice."
And relationships? Forget about it. Dating a fence-sitter is like going on a roller coaster without knowing if it's going up or down. "Are we exclusive?" I don't know, are we? I'm still deciding if I want pepperoni or mushrooms on my pizza; exclusivity can wait.
But the worst part is when people try to force you off the fence. They're like, "Come on, take a side!" And I'm like, "I will when I'm good and ready, Karen." You can't rush these things. Choosing a side is like picking a Wi-Fi network – you've got to make sure it's the right one, or you're stuck with a slow connection.
So, here's to all the fence-sitters out there – may your decisions be as delayed as your Amazon packages during the holidays.
I've been practicing my fence-sitting skills, and let me tell you, it's an underrated sport. I'm thinking of starting the Fence-Sitting Olympics. Events include the "Balancing Act," where contestants try not to fall off while answering life's toughest questions.
We'll have the "Speed Fence-Sitting," where participants have to quickly switch sides based on random topics. "Favorite ice cream flavor?" Strawberry! No, wait, chocolate! And don't forget the "Synchronized Indecision" – a team event where pairs have to sit on opposite sides of the fence and look equally perplexed.
The medal ceremony would be fantastic. Gold, silver, and bronze medals for the most convincing fence-sitters. Imagine the national anthems playing while we awkwardly teeter on the edge, trying not to topple over. It's the only sport where the athletes get participation trophies just for showing up.
So, who's with me? Let's make fence-sitting the next big thing. If procrastination were an Olympic event, I'd probably sign up for that too, but I'll decide later.
I've decided to embrace my fence-sitting lifestyle. In fact, I've started a support group – "Fence-Sitters Anonymous." Our meetings are held whenever we feel like it, and attendance is optional. We sit in a circle, or sometimes we don't, and share stories about our most recent dilemmas.
One guy admitted he couldn't decide between crunchy or creamy peanut butter. I mean, that's a life-altering decision right there. Another person confessed they've been sitting on the fence about watching a movie for three months. I suggested flipping a coin, but they're still contemplating which side to assign heads or tails.
We even have a mascot – a cat on a fence, looking equally uninterested in both yards. It's the symbol of our commitment to being non-committal.
So, if you find yourself teetering on life's decisions, join us at Fence-Sitters Anonymous. Or don't. It's up to you. Either way, we'll be here, balancing on the fine line between certainty and uncertainty, wondering if we should order pizza or Chinese for our next meeting.
You know, they say "sitting on the fence" is a bad thing. But have you ever tried sitting on a fence? It's not as easy as it sounds. First of all, it's uncomfortable. I mean, who designed these things? It's like they took a regular chair, removed the cushion, and said, "Let's make people question their life choices."
And then there's the balance issue. You're up there, legs dangling on either side, trying not to fall over. It's like a yoga pose for indecisive people. "Oh, look at me, I'm doing the 'Uncertain Crane' pose."
But the real challenge is the judgment you get from people walking by. They look at you like you're some kind of commitment-phobic weirdo. "Hey, make up your mind! Are you on Team A or Team B?" I'm on Team C, okay? Team "Can't Decide If I Want Team A or Team B."
It's not easy being a fence-sitter. People think you're wishy-washy. I prefer to call it being open-minded. I'm not indecisive; I'm just exploring all the possibilities. I'm the Christopher Columbus of life choices, sailing into the unknown of options.
So, next time you see someone sitting on the fence, don't judge. Join me up here, where the grass is equally green on both sides, and the view is just confusing.

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