4 Jokes For Samwise

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Aug 12 2024

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You know, I recently hired a personal assistant named Samwise. Great guy, always willing to help, but he takes this whole "assistant" thing a bit too seriously. I asked him to make me a cup of coffee, and he turns it into a full-blown quest. I'm like, "Samwise, I just need caffeine, not a fellowship!"
So, he goes on this epic journey to the kitchen, battles the evil coffee maker, and returns triumphantly with the holy grail of caffeine. I appreciate the dedication, but dude, it's a Monday morning, not Mordor!
I asked Samwise to schedule a meeting, and he turns it into a strategic planning session. The man has a master's degree in overthinking. I'm like, "Samwise, it's a 15-minute catch-up, not the Battle of Helm's Deep!"
He starts creating color-coded charts, timelines, and a PowerPoint presentation. I just wanted to discuss last night's game, not present a quarterly business review. Samwise, if you're going to overanalyze something, let it be the lunch menu, not a casual conversation!
I don't know if Samwise has a secret pen fetish or what, but I can never find a pen when I need one. It's like a mystery novel every time I sit down at my desk. I'm searching for a pen, and Samwise is the prime suspect.
I confronted him about it, and he gives me this innocent look. "Pens, sir? I have no idea. Maybe they went on a vacation without informing us." I'm starting to think he's got a pen black market on the side. Samwise, if you're listening, I just want to write a grocery list, not solve the case of the missing pens!
Have you ever had an assistant who thinks he's the etiquette police? Samwise is like my own personal Emily Post. I sneezed the other day, and he hands me a tissue with this look of disapproval. I'm like, "Samwise, it's just a sneeze, not a crime against humanity!"
He's got all these rules about how to properly conduct yourself. I accidentally elbowed him in the hallway, and he gives me this lecture on hallway etiquette. I didn't know there was a right way to walk from the bathroom to the office, but apparently, Samwise has it all figured out.

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