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Why did Mount Rushmore never make it as a stand-up comedian? Its delivery was too rock-hard!
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Why did the mountain get promoted? Because it was outstanding in its field!
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Why did the geologist break up with Mount Rushmore? It was just too rocky of a relationship!
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What do you call it when Mount Rushmore plays hide and seek? Stony silence!
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Why did Mount Rushmore get into politics? It wanted to be a presidential rock star!
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Why did Mount Rushmore start a band? Because it had a rockin' personality!
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Mount Rushmore, the original rock band of presidents. I mean, talk about a stony-faced group. They've been frozen in time longer than my mother's lasagna leftovers.
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You know, Mount Rushmore is like the original selfie spot. I bet if those presidents were alive today, they'd be posting selfies with hashtags like #PresidentialGlowUp and #StoicAndStoned.
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Mount Rushmore is like the original 'Who Wore It Better?' But instead of fashion, it's facial hair. Lincoln's beard, Teddy's mustache—those guys were the OG trendsetters. I bet if they were alive today, they'd be hosting a reality show called 'Presidential Makeover.'
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I wonder if the presidents on Mount Rushmore ever argue. Like, Lincoln saying, 'I emancipated slaves,' and Washington responding, 'Well, I chopped down cherry trees.' And then Teddy chimes in, 'I wrestled bears.' It's like the world's weirdest history rap battle.
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If Mount Rushmore were made today, they'd have to include a drive-thru lane. I can already imagine families in minivans ordering their presidential combo meals. 'I'll take a Jefferson with a side of freedom fries, please.'
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Mount Rushmore is the ultimate political statement. It's like saying, 'We're so great, we carved our leaders' faces into a mountain.' If that happened today, we'd have a Mount Instagram, with influencers trying to one-up each other with filter-enhanced poses.
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I heard Mount Rushmore was originally planned with different presidents, but the sculptor kept changing his mind. It's like he was playing political musical chairs, and whoever was standing when the music stopped got their face on a mountain. Sorry, Millard Fillmore, better luck next time!
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I recently visited Mount Rushmore, and let me tell you, those faces are enormous. I tried taking a selfie with them, and all I got were nostrils. I think Washington needs a nose job, but who am I to judge? I'm just a comedian with a big nose complex.
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You ever notice how Mount Rushmore is missing a female face? I mean, come on, even in rock bands, they eventually added a chick drummer. We need Lady Liberty up there, giving those guys a run for their money. She's been holding that torch for years; it's time for her close-up!
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