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Why don't geologists ever feel lonely at rock bottom? Because they always find sedimentary company!
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Why did the rock musician like hitting rock bottom? It's where all the good beats are!
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Did you hear about the rock who hit rock bottom? He said, 'Well, that's just how I roll.
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Why did the rock bottom have such a low opinion of itself? It couldn't get any sedimental value!
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Why did the pessimistic rock think it was always at rock bottom? It had a rocky outlook on life!
Rock Bottom Rendezvous
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You ever been to rock bottom? It's like a secret club where nobody wants to be a member, but somehow we all end up with a VIP pass. I went there once. It's so exclusive; even my self-esteem couldn't get in. I tried to swipe my card at the entrance, and the bouncer just looked at me and said, Oh, you're on the list, all right – the 'Regrettable Life Choices' list!
Rock Bottom Real Estate
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Rock bottom is like the real estate of despair – it's all about location, location, location. I found myself a cozy little spot between I Can't Believe I Ate That Whole Pizza and Why Did I Think Bangs Were a Good Idea? It's a fixer-upper, though. The only view is of my past mistakes, and the neighbors are all my regrets. But hey, the rent is cheap!
Rock Bottom Olympics
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I hit rock bottom so hard, I thought I was in training for the Rock Bottom Olympics. There's an event for unpaid bills, a marathon for failed relationships, and of course, synchronized sobbing. I even won a gold medal in the Avoiding Eye Contact with Your Bank Account competition. Turns out, I'm quite the athlete when it comes to disappointment.
Rock Bottom Gym
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I signed up for the gym at rock bottom – the only place where lifting emotional baggage is an actual exercise. They have a class called Cardio Catastrophe, where you run in circles trying to escape your bad decisions. Spoiler alert: You never do. The elliptical machine there even has a built-in therapist because, let's face it, we all need one.
Rock Bottom Comedy Club
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I performed at a comedy club at rock bottom once. The audience was so depressed; they didn't laugh – they just sighed in unison. The hecklers were like, Your jokes are as empty as my bank account, and I was like, Well, that's not heckling; that's just an accurate financial assessment. It was a tough crowd; even my shadow wanted to leave.
Rock Bottom Dating App
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I tried a dating app at rock bottom. The matches were all people who peaked in high school, and the pickup lines were like, Are you my life choices? Because I'd like to avoid you. I got a message that said, Looking for someone to share a lifetime of regrets with. Well, at least they were honest.
Rock Bottom Café
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I went to this café at rock bottom – terrible service. The waiter just handed me a menu with options like Bitter Brew, Cold Comfort, and Stale Bagel of Broken Dreams. I asked if they had anything uplifting, and he said, Sorry, that's not on the menu. We specialize in soul-crushing experiences with a side of existential dread.
Rock Bottom Airlines
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I flew with Rock Bottom Airlines once. The in-flight entertainment was just a slideshow of my most embarrassing moments, and the turbulence was caused by the weight of my regrets. The flight attendants? They didn't offer peanuts; they handed out little bags of shattered dreams. Oh, and the pilot? It was my self-esteem – it crashed pretty quickly.
Rock Bottom Spa
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I went to this spa at rock bottom, hoping for some relaxation. Turns out, their signature treatment is the Hot Tub of Regret. You just sit there, surrounded by bubbles of self-doubt, while the soothing sound of your past mistakes echoes in the background. They also offer a massage called the Deep Tissue of Despair. Spoiler alert: It hurts.
Rock Bottom's Room Service
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Rock bottom even has its own room service. You call them up, and they bring you a platter of broken dreams, a side of crushed ambitions, and a complimentary drink called Regret on the Rocks. It's like, Yes, I'd like to order the 'Why Did I Major in Art History' with extra self-loathing, please.
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