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The Health-Obsessed Couch Potato
Obsessed with fitness but allergic to exercise
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Saw a guy buying a superfood smoothie with extra protein while sitting on a bench. I think that's the closest he'll get to a workout—lifting that smoothie to his mouth.
The Overzealous Pet Owner
Over-the-top obsession with pet care
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I saw a lady walking her dog in a stroller the other day. I mean, I get it, it's a VIP (Very Important Pup), but at some point, don't you think the dog's gonna ask for the keys to the car?
The DIY Enthusiast Without Skills
Passionate about DIY projects but a disaster at execution
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So, there's a guy who tried making furniture out of pallets. Let's just say his "custom-made" coffee table had more wobbles than a drunk penguin.
The Time-Traveling Conspiracy Theorist
Believes everyday occurrences are evidence of time travel
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Heard this guy claim that a misplaced item is evidence that someone's been time-hopping. If that were true, I'd be convinced time travelers are constantly borrowing my socks.
The Conspiracy Theorist Shopaholic
Believes every sale is a government plot
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I was at a clearance sale, and this lady was frantically looking for hidden cameras in the discounted shirts. I said, "If they wanted to spy on you, I think they'd pick something more inconspicuous than a '70% off' tee.
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