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I recently retired, and my hobbies now include arguing with the self-checkout machine about the price of prune juice. Ah, the golden years!
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You know you're retired when your social calendar revolves around doctor appointments and early bird specials. Dinner at 4 pm, anyone?
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They say retirement is all about pursuing your passions. Well, I'm passionate about napping and watching documentaries about things I'll forget in five minutes. Nailed it!
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Retirement is like hitting the snooze button on adulthood. You finally get to sleep in, but you're still haunted by dreams of taxes and responsibilities.
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Retirement is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but all the options involve going to bed early and complaining about the weather.
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The great thing about retirement is that I finally have time to organize my sock drawer. Because, you know, if your sock drawer is in order, your whole life must be in order. That's the theory, at least!
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Retirement planning is like trying to understand a foreign language. 401(k), IRA, Roth – it's like alphabet soup for grown-ups. I just nod and hope my money knows what it's doing.
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Have you noticed that the concept of retirement is a bit like trying to assemble IKEA furniture? You're excited about it at first, but halfway through, you're questioning all your life choices.
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I thought retirement would mean endless days of relaxation, but it turns out it's more about finding new and creative ways to avoid answering phone calls from telemarketers.
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