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Breaking Up with Social Media
The struggle of resigning from the social media circus
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I wrote a resignation letter to Facebook, and it felt like breaking up with an old friend. 'Dear Facebook, it's not you; it's Mark Zuckerberg's algorithm. It's just not working for me anymore.'
Quitting Coffee
The epic battle of resigning from a coffee addiction
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Telling my favorite barista I was resigning from coffee felt like ending a long-term relationship. 'It's not you, it's the jitters and the palpitations. I need to see other beverages – preferably ones that won't stain my teeth.'
Office Resignation
The struggle of resigning from a mundane job
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On my last day, I decided to take a little something to remember the place by. You know you've hit rock bottom when you're stealing your own stapler. HR was probably like, 'We knew he was a flight risk, but we never suspected stationery theft.'
Quitters Anonymous
The struggle of resigning from quitting support groups
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I suggested a revolt at Quitters Anonymous – let's all quit quitting together. They didn't go for it. Apparently, it's against the rules. I'm starting to think these support groups are secretly run by the persistence lobby.
Resigning from the Gym
Trying to quit the gym, but it's more complicated than a bad relationship.
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Every time I walked past the gym, it's like the elliptical machine was judging me. 'Oh, you're resigning? Fine, enjoy that sedentary lifestyle. I hope you and your couch have a happy, unhealthy life together.'
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