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Redneck Word of the Day - "Escalator
Trying to understand a fancy word
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I tried riding an escalator for the first time, and I felt like a cat on a Roomba. I was just praying I wouldn't end up on some YouTube fail compilation. I made it to the top, though. Triumphantly, I thought, "Well, I just successfully conquered the vertical treadmill. What's next, the reverse escalator – an 'escadownator'?
Redneck Word of the Day - "Connoisseur
Pretending to be fancy when you're just a simple folk
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I tried to impress a date once by using the word 'connoisseur.' I took her to a fancy restaurant and pointed at the menu, saying, "I'm quite the connoisseur of fine dining." She replied, "Oh, really? So you know what escargot is?" I thought she was talking about a new car model. I said, "Sure, it's a French sports car, right?
Redneck Word of the Day - "Feng Shui
Redecorating the trailer with a touch of sophistication
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I invited my neighbor over, and he said, "I like what you've done with the place. It's got that Feng Shui thing going on." I smiled and said, "Yeah, it's called 'Feng Shui-cram-everything-where-you-can.' It's the latest trend in trailer park chic.
Redneck Word of the Day - "Vegan
Navigating the world of plant-based living
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I went to a vegan restaurant with my buddy, and I ordered a salad. The waiter looked at me and said, "Are you sure you want that with dressing? It's not very vegan." I replied, "Well, I reckon if it ain't got bacon bits and ranch, it's practically a health potion. Call it a 'vegandalf' salad.
Redneck Word of the Day - "Yoga
Attempting to master the art of relaxation
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I tried doing a yoga pose called 'downward dog.' I thought, "I've seen dogs do this; how hard could it be?" Turns out, pretty dang hard. I was stuck in 'confused cat' for a good ten minutes. Maybe I'm just not cut out for yoga. I'll stick to my version – 'beernasana.
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