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I walked into a perfume store, and the salesperson said, "You must have a great sense of smell!" I replied, "Well, it's either that or the fact that I've accidentally inhaled half the store through my gigantic nostrils.
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People always ask me if having a big nose enhances my sense of smell. I tell them, "Well, I can smell trouble from a mile away, especially when it involves someone commenting on my nose size.
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You ever notice when you have a big nose, people assume you're good at giving advice? Like, sure, I can sniff out a good restaurant, but I can't help you with your relationship problems. My expertise ends at the dinner table.
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I asked my friends if they thought my nose was too big. They said, "Nah, it's just extra surface area for storing all those amazing smells." I guess having a big nose is just nature's way of giving you a built-in potpourri dispenser.
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You know, someone recently told me, "Your nose is so big!" I said, "Well, thank you for stating the obvious. It's not like I've been using it as a makeshift GPS my whole life. 'Turn left at the nostril!'
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My nose is so big that when I go to the beach, people mistake me for a human divining rod. I'm just standing there, and suddenly everyone's digging for treasure around me. I should charge admission!
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I overheard a kid telling his friend, "That guy's nose is massive!" I wanted to reassure him, so I said, "Don't worry, it's not a nose; it's a vacation home for dust particles. They pay rent!
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Someone once asked me if I've ever considered nose reduction surgery. I told them, "Why would I do that? My nose has its own gravitational pull. It's like having a built-in party trick.
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My nose is so big that when I wear sunglasses, it looks like I'm trying to shield my face from the blinding brightness of my own schnoz. It's not a fashion statement; it's self-preservation.
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