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You know you're dating someone stuck in the past when their password looks like a hieroglyphic code that even Indiana Jones couldn't decipher. I asked my boyfriend for his password once, and he gave me this cryptic combination of letters, numbers, and special characters. It was like trying to crack the Da Vinci Code just to see what movie times were available. I told him, "We're not launching missiles here; it's just your Netflix account!" His password was so secure; even he forgot it half the time. He'd spend hours resetting it, and then he'd forget the new one. We were stuck in this loop of password amnesia.
I suggested he use something easy to remember, like our anniversary or his birthday. But no, he insisted on a password that looked like it could withstand a nuclear attack. I guess he's preparing for a cyber apocalypse or something. Meanwhile, I'm over here with a password that's just my dog's name and the year I was born.
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My boyfriend is so behind on social media trends that his Facebook profile looks like a digital time capsule. I log in, and it's like I've entered the archives of the internet. His profile picture is still a low-resolution selfie taken with a flip phone, and his cover photo is a pixelated sunset that looks like it's been compressed a million times. He's still sharing those motivational quotes with the default backgrounds that come with the app. I told him, "Honey, if you want to inspire people, at least find a quote that's not in Papyrus font."
And don't even get me started on his hashtags. He's using hashtags like #Y2KReady and #TamagotchiLife. I'm just waiting for him to post a status update about the thrilling Y2K scare that we all barely survived.
It's like dating a social media archaeologist. I keep telling him, "Babe, we're in the era of influencers and TikTok dances, not MySpace surveys and FarmVille requests." I'm just trying to drag him into the 21st century, one hashtag at a time.
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You ever date someone who's so outdated, you feel like you're in a time warp? My boyfriend is still using Yahoo as his primary email. Yeah, you heard me right, Yahoo! I didn't realize people still used Yahoo for anything other than finding out if they were the millionth visitor of the day and winning a free iPod back in 2005. I mean, I'll be sending him an email, and I have to wait for that little Yahoo jingle to play in my head before he even opens it. It's like dating a guy who communicates with carrier pigeons. I half-expect him to send me a letter by owl post next.
I asked him why he's still using Yahoo, and he said, "It's reliable." Reliable? I can't even remember the last time I met someone under the age of 60 who said, "You know what's reliable? Yahoo Mail." It's like having a reliable cassette player in the age of Spotify.
I'm just waiting for the day he suggests we go on a romantic Yahoo Messenger chat. Maybe we can even send each other virtual roses and chocolates. I'll be over here on WhatsApp while he's trying to figure out how to use an emoticon on Yahoo.
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Dating a guy with outdated tech is like being in a perpetual episode of "Tech Support: The Romantic Comedy." Every time we have a problem with his ancient laptop, it's like I'm on the phone with customer service for hours. I suggested he upgrade, but he's got this sentimental attachment to his computer, like it's an old friend. I'm like, "Honey, your laptop is so slow; it's on dial-up speed in a broadband world." It takes longer to boot up than it does for me to decide what to wear on a first date.
I feel like I'm in a relationship with a robot from the '90s. I half-expect him to start making those dial-up modem noises when he's processing information. It's like living with a tech dinosaur. I told him, "If we're going to make this work, your computer needs to at least be from this decade.
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