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Shopping for clothes is a whole different adventure when you're tall. Most stores seem to think that if you're tall, you must also be super skinny. I walk into a store, and the salesperson hands me a pair of jeans that could double as a jump rope. I'm like, "Do I look like I'm training for the tall Olympics?" And don't get me started on finding shirts that are long enough. It's like playing hide and seek in the clothing racks. I have to reach into the clouds of fabric, hoping to find something that won't turn into a crop top after the first wash. Maybe I should just start a fashion line for tall people and call it "Sky High Style." We'll have sizes like "Cloud Nine" and "Stratosphere Chic.
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Being tall comes with its fair share of tall tales. People always assume things about me just because of my height. Like, they think I played basketball professionally. Newsflash, I'm terrible at basketball! The only thing I can slam dunk is a bag of potato chips. And then there's the classic, "Do you play basketball or volleyball?" No, Karen, I play mini-golf because it's the only sport that makes me feel normal-sized. I'm thinking of making up a new sport just for tall people, something like extreme limbo or giraffe polo. I'd be the champion, obviously.
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When you're tall, you get a unique perspective on the world. Literally. I can see things that shorter people can only dream of. Like, I once spotted a celebrity from across the street, and everyone around me was like, "How did you see that?" It's like having a built-in telescope for people watching. But there are downsides too. Have you ever tried to fit into a car designed for average-sized people? It's like trying to squeeze into a can of sardines. I feel like I need a shoehorn just to get behind the wheel. They should make cars with adjustable ceilings for people like me. Call it the "Stretch-Mobile." I'd buy one in a heartbeat.
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You know, people always say to me, "You're so tall." And I'm like, "Yeah, I know! I've been up here for a while now." Being tall has its perks, though. I mean, I practically have my weather system up here. It's like a whole different climate. I can tell you if it's raining before the weather app can. But seriously, the weather isn't the only thing people are curious about. They ask me, "How's the air up there?" And I'm like, "It's great, thanks for asking! A little thin, maybe, but great." I should start charging admission for people to experience the premium oxygen up here. I could call it "Tall Air." I'd make a fortune!
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