bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
I've discovered the ultimate excuse in life. Late for a meeting? Blame it on the impending doom. "Sorry, boss, got caught in traffic. You know, the usual. Thought I might die, but here I am!" It works for everything. Forget an anniversary? "Honey, I was so preoccupied with the fragility of existence, I lost track of time." I even tried it with my doctor. Missed a few appointments, and he's giving me that disapproving look. I said, "Doc, you know, life is short. You die and all. Can we focus on the quality of the time I have left?" He wasn't amused. Apparently, medical professionals don't appreciate existential excuses.
0
0
You know, I was having a conversation with my friend the other day, and out of nowhere, he looks at me and says, "You die." I'm like, "Excuse me? Did I miss some memo from the universe? Is there an expiration date I'm not aware of?" I mean, what kind of ominous way is that to start a conversation? It's like he's predicting my demise. I tried to lighten the mood, you know, asked him if he's been talking to fortune tellers or something. He goes, "No, it's just a saying." A saying? Who says that? It's not like "hello" or "how are you?" I can't just go around telling people, "Hey, you die!" Imagine the reaction at a job interview. "So, tell me a little about yourself." "Well, you die."
Maybe it's a new form of motivation. You know those inspirational posters? Instead of a mountain climber with "Perseverance," you have a grim reaper with "You die." Nothing like a looming sense of mortality to get you through the workday.
0
0
So, I decided to test this whole "you die" thing. I started using it in everyday situations. You know, spice up the mundane. Cashier at the grocery store asks if I found everything okay. I look her dead in the eyes and go, "You die." The look on her face was priceless. I think I added a few years to her life expectancy right there. It's become my universal punchline. Someone tells a bad joke? "You die." Someone cuts me off in traffic? "You die." It's versatile, really. Just be careful where you use it. I tried it at a funeral once—didn't go over so well. Apparently, timing is everything.
0
0
I was thinking about this whole "you die" thing, and it got me wondering. What happens when you die? Is it like, "Sorry, folks, show's over, nothing to see here"? Or is there an afterlife orientation, where they hand you a manual and say, "Congratulations, you're dead. Here's what you missed." And what about regrets? Is there a complaint department in the afterlife? Like, "Yeah, I didn't get to travel the world. Can I get a rain check on that?" I can just imagine the response, "Sorry, sir, when you die, it's on you."
I bet there's a Yelp for the afterlife. "One star—too much fog, and the harp music gets old fast." Or maybe a Ghost TripAdvisor, where you rate your haunting experience. "The poltergeist was a bit too aggressive, but the WiFi was excellent.
Post a Comment