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You know, they say life is short. But what they don't tell you is that it's also the longest thing you'll ever do. It's like a never-ending movie, and just when you think you've figured out the plot, they hit you with a sequel titled, "you die: the final cut.
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You ever play hide and seek as a kid? Life is like a never-ending game of hide and seek, but instead of counting to ten, you're counting down to "you die." And let's be honest, nobody ever wants to be "it" in that game.
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You know, they say you can't take anything with you when you go. So, imagine the disappointment when you find out that even the phrase "you die" doesn't come with a luggage allowance. I was hoping for at least a carry-on.
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I tried to plan for the afterlife the other day, and I realized it's a lot like planning a vacation. You book the tickets, make reservations, and then you realize, no matter how well you plan, there's no escaping the fact that at some point, you're getting that eternal boarding pass that just says, "you die.
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I was thinking about life insurance the other day. You pay all these premiums, and they promise to take care of your loved ones when you're gone. But imagine if they just sent you a message saying, "Congratulations, you've won! Your grand prize? Well, it's a one-way ticket to 'you die' land.
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You ever notice how life is like a game of Monopoly? You're cruising along, collecting properties, and suddenly you pick up a chance card that just says, "you die." I mean, talk about a plot twist! I was just about to build a hotel on Boardwalk.
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I was at the doctor's office the other day, and he told me to eat healthier and exercise more. I asked him why, and he said, "Well, you don't want 'you die' to catch you off guard." I mean, thanks for the heads up, doc. I'll start my kale regimen immediately.
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Have you ever noticed how we treat expiration dates on food more seriously than the concept of our own mortality? I mean, I've seen people debating whether to eat yogurt that's one day past its date, but when it comes to the fact that someday, "you die," we just shrug it off. Maybe we need "life expiration" dates.
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I was watching a documentary about animals, and it occurred to me that even in the wild, they have a more straightforward approach to life and death. It's like they get a notification on their phones that just says, "you die" when their time is up. We could use some of that clarity.
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