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You know, someone once told me, "Whatever floats your boat." And I thought, that's great advice, until I realized I don't have a boat. Now, I'm just here floating in life, like a deflated balloon at a party. So, I decided to start a support group – Boat Floaters Anonymous. I walk into the first meeting, and everyone's just sitting there on inflatable pool toys, nodding solemnly. We even have a 12-step program. Step one: Admit you have a floating problem. Step two: Embrace it because, well, whatever floats your boat, right?
But the real challenge is explaining this to people who don't get it. Like, I was at a job interview, and they asked, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said, "Hopefully on a yacht somewhere." They didn't get it. I didn't get the job.
So, next time someone says, "Whatever floats your boat," just remember, some of us are out here floating without a boat, and it's a whole support group now.
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Dating is tough. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but what if I want a boat? Do I have to settle for a kayak when I'm dreaming of a yacht? It's like going to a buffet and only being allowed to eat the salad. I tried a dating app, and in my bio, I wrote, "Looking for someone who understands that whatever floats your boat is a life philosophy." The responses were interesting. One person asked if I had a boat they could borrow. Another thought I was a sailor, and I had to break it to them that my sailing experience was limited to a bathtub.
But you know, I'm not giving up. I'll find someone who shares my love for boats. And if not, well, whatever floats their boat, I guess.
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So, I had this brilliant idea – The Great Bathtub Regatta. I mean, why should boats have all the fun? Picture this: people racing bathtubs down a river, rubber duckies and all. I even pitched it to the city council. They looked at me like I suggested building a spaceship to Mars. One guy said, "We have boat races already." I told him, "No, this is different. It's about embracing the 'whatever floats your boat' philosophy."
But no, they weren't having it. So now, I'm stuck organizing clandestine bathtub races in my backyard. It's like a rebellious water revolution – the Rubber Ducky Rebellion.
Remember, folks, sometimes you have to create your own boat to float. Whatever floats your bathtub, right?
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I recently went to a boat store because, well, whatever floats your boat. Have you ever been to a boat store? It's like entering a parallel universe where everyone speaks in nautical terms, and I'm just standing there trying not to sink. I asked the salesperson, "Do you have anything that floats my dinghy?" They looked at me like I was asking for the meaning of life. I just wanted a boat that wouldn't embarrass me at the next Boat Floaters Anonymous meeting.
And then there's the terminology. They kept throwing around words like port and starboard. I'm thinking, can't we just say left and right like normal people? I felt like I was in a Shakespearean play, but with more life vests.
So, I left the store with a paddleboard and the determination to never go back. Because, you know, whatever floats your boat, but a paddleboard floats mine, and it's a lot easier to understand.
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