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I asked my drill sergeant if he had a favorite vitamin. He said, 'Yeah, B-attalion!
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Why did the scarecrow enlist in the army? He wanted to be outstanding in his field!
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Why did the soldier bring a pencil to the war? In case he needed to draw his weapon!
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What did the soldier say after he survived mustard gas and pepper spray? 'I feel seasoned!
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I told my friend I can make a warplane out of spaghetti. He said, 'You're flying off the fusilli!
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Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the battlefield? Because he wanted to go to the next level!
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I told my friend I could make a car out of spaghetti. He didn't believe me until I drove pasta tank!
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They say love is a battlefield. Well, my last relationship was more like a skirmish in a grocery store over who left the milk out. Forget about romantic gestures, it was all about strategic fridge placement.
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I tried playing chess once, you know, to bring some strategic brilliance into my life. Turns out, my idea of a strategic move is just hiding behind the pawns and hoping my opponent gets tired of the game. Call it the 'Avoidance Gambit.'
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I attempted a home improvement project last weekend. The only war zone I created was in my living room. I'm pretty sure my neighbors think I was trying to replicate the destruction scene from a Godzilla movie, but with power tools instead.
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I tried online gaming to experience the thrill of virtual warfare. My teammates were so serious, they made military generals look like amateur comedians. The only command I mastered was 'Order Pizza.'
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I thought about joining a book club to add some intellectual firepower to my life. Turns out, they were discussing war novels every month. I just wanted a good laugh, not a lecture on trench warfare!
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I thought about getting a pet parrot for some company. Then I realized, having a bird that repeats everything in a war movie would just make me constantly anxious. 'Incoming! Incoming!' every time the doorbell rings – not my idea of a peaceful home.
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I signed up for a gym class recently, thinking it was going to be a battle against my own laziness. Little did I know, it was more like a full-scale war on my comfort zone. The only thing I conquered was the vending machine in the lobby.
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I decided to spice up my cooking routine by trying out exotic spices. Turns out, 'warrior-level spice' and 'just a pinch' are two very different things. I've never seen my cat move so fast – I think he's training for the spice Olympics.
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War and Peace? More like War and My Attempt at a Sunday Afternoon Nap. I had to pick up the remote control like a tactical missile just to find some quiet channels.
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