18 Jokes About War

Puns

Updated on: Dec 22 2024

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I asked my drill sergeant if he had a favorite vitamin. He said, 'Yeah, B-attalion!
Why did the scarecrow enlist in the army? He wanted to be outstanding in his field!
Why did the soldier bring a pencil to the war? In case he needed to draw his weapon!
What did the soldier say after he survived mustard gas and pepper spray? 'I feel seasoned!
I told my friend I can make a warplane out of spaghetti. He said, 'You're flying off the fusilli!
Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the battlefield? Because he wanted to go to the next level!
What's a soldier's favorite type of bread? Grenade rye!
I told my friend I could make a car out of spaghetti. He didn't believe me until I drove pasta tank!
They say love is a battlefield. Well, my last relationship was more like a skirmish in a grocery store over who left the milk out. Forget about romantic gestures, it was all about strategic fridge placement.
I tried playing chess once, you know, to bring some strategic brilliance into my life. Turns out, my idea of a strategic move is just hiding behind the pawns and hoping my opponent gets tired of the game. Call it the 'Avoidance Gambit.'
I attempted a home improvement project last weekend. The only war zone I created was in my living room. I'm pretty sure my neighbors think I was trying to replicate the destruction scene from a Godzilla movie, but with power tools instead.
I tried online gaming to experience the thrill of virtual warfare. My teammates were so serious, they made military generals look like amateur comedians. The only command I mastered was 'Order Pizza.'
I thought about joining a book club to add some intellectual firepower to my life. Turns out, they were discussing war novels every month. I just wanted a good laugh, not a lecture on trench warfare!
I thought about getting a pet parrot for some company. Then I realized, having a bird that repeats everything in a war movie would just make me constantly anxious. 'Incoming! Incoming!' every time the doorbell rings – not my idea of a peaceful home.
I signed up for a gym class recently, thinking it was going to be a battle against my own laziness. Little did I know, it was more like a full-scale war on my comfort zone. The only thing I conquered was the vending machine in the lobby.
I decided to spice up my cooking routine by trying out exotic spices. Turns out, 'warrior-level spice' and 'just a pinch' are two very different things. I've never seen my cat move so fast – I think he's training for the spice Olympics.
War and Peace? More like War and My Attempt at a Sunday Afternoon Nap. I had to pick up the remote control like a tactical missile just to find some quiet channels.
War movies make everything look so intense, like soldiers are constantly dodging bullets. In reality, the most intense dodge I've had lately is avoiding the laundry my roommate left on the living room floor. It's a real sock ambush out there!

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