17 Jokes About Valentines Day Cards

Puns

Updated on: Mar 03 2025

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Why did the Valentine's Day card get an award? It had the best romantic plot twist!
What did the pencil say to the Valentine's Day card? You've got the write stuff!
Why did the tomato turn red on Valentine's Day? It saw the salad dressing!
What did the chocolate say to the Valentine's Day card? You're so sweet, it's almost corny!
Why did the Valentine's Day card file a police report? It got stolen by someone's heart!
What did the grape say to the raisin on Valentine's Day? You make my heart dry with joy!
What did one Valentine's Day card say to the other in the envelope? I'm sealed with a kiss!

Valentine's Day Cards for Introverts

They need to make Valentine's Day cards for introverts. You know, ones that say, I love you, but let's keep the cuddling to a minimum, and can we order in tonight?

DIY Disasters

I tried making a homemade Valentine's Day card once. Let's just say, if love was measured in crafting skills, I'd be single. My card looked more like abstract art than a declaration of love. Honey, it's a metaphor for our relationship – messy but full of colors!

The Fine Print

Have you ever read the fine print on those romantic cards? It's like a legal document. By accepting this card, you agree to cuddle on demand and pretend my cooking is edible. I feel like I'm signing a contract for a lifetime supply of cheesy gestures.

Valentine's Day Cards for Realists

Why don't they make Valentine's Day cards for realists? You know, ones that say things like, Thanks for putting up with my weird habits or Congratulations on surviving another year of my snoring.

The Valentine's Day Card Conspiracy

You ever notice how Valentine's Day cards are basically a plot to make us all feel inadequate? I mean, there's a whole aisle dedicated to perfect cards, and I'm just standing there wondering if they have one that says, You're alright, I guess.

Gift Card Dilemmas

I thought about giving my significant other a gift card for Valentine's Day. You know, so they can choose whatever they want. But then I realized, that's just outsourcing my romantic responsibilities. Here's a card, pick your own romance. I'm outsourcing love this year!

Card or Mortgage Payment?

I spent so much on Valentine's Day cards, I feel like I just made a down payment on a house. If love doesn't conquer all, at least my credit card balance will.

Lost in Translation

Valentine's Day cards are like a foreign language to me. They all have these sweet, poetic messages, and I'm over here trying to decode them like I'm deciphering ancient hieroglyphics. Roses are red, violets are blue, but why is this card making me feel so clueless?

Valentine's Day Cards: The Sequel

Valentine's Day cards are like movie sequels. You hope they live up to the original, but most of the time, it's just a recycled plot with a few extra hearts thrown in. Can we get a refund for lackluster romantic performances?

Hallmark vs. Reality

I bought a Valentine's Day card that said, You mean the world to me. Well, turns out, Hallmark doesn't cover intergalactic shipping fees. I was thinking more like, You mean the neighborhood to me, maybe the next street over on a good day.

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