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Who loves haunted houses? You know, those places where people pay good money to have the daylights scared out of them. I went to one last year, and let me tell you, I made some questionable life decisions that night. They handed me a flashlight and said, "Good luck." I thought, "Is this a haunted house or a survival game?" And the actors in those haunted houses are relentless. I tried to outsmart them by pretending to be a mannequin in one room. Big mistake. One of the actors whispered, "Nice try," and then proceeded to follow me for the rest of the tour. I didn't sign up for a haunted stalkership!
But seriously, if you want to test your relationship, go to a haunted house with your significant other. You'll find out how fast they can run and how many expletives they know in one scream.
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Let's talk about homemade costumes. Every year, there's that one kid who shows up with a costume that clearly involved some last-minute creativity. I once went as a "ghost" using an old bedsheet with two holes cut out for eyes. I looked less like a ghost and more like a failed attempt at doing laundry. But hey, DIY costumes can be amazing too. I saw a kid dressed as a refrigerator last year. I asked him, "What are you?" He said, "I'm chilling." I couldn't argue with that level of costume commitment.
Now, parents, if your child insists on a costume that's a bit unconventional, just go with it. I saw a dad trying to talk his son out of being a giant slice of pizza. He said, "How about Batman?" The kid replied, "No, I want to be pepperoni!" Embrace the pizza, Dad. Just be grateful he didn't want to be a vegetable.
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You know, Halloween is such a magical time. Kids running around in costumes, collecting candy, and experiencing the sheer joy of trick-or-treating. But let's talk about the "tricks" part for a moment. My parents used to tell me, "Don't take candy from strangers," but on Halloween, it's like, "Go ahead, knock on every stranger's door and demand sweets!" It's the only time of the year when that's not considered a bad idea. And what's up with those houses that give out healthy snacks? I mean, seriously, if I wanted a granola bar, I'd go to the grocery store. Don't be that house. If you're handing out toothbrushes or raisins, you're basically telling kids, "Trick's on you!"
And parents, you've got to supervise your kids during trick-or-treating. It's not the time to catch up on your Netflix shows while your child is negotiating candy trades with the neighbor's kid. I remember my mom saying, "I'll check your candy for anything suspicious." What did she think, the Candy Fairy was going to come and magically detect razor blades in the Snickers?
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Let's talk about the Candy Tax. You know, that unwritten rule where parents get a percentage of their kids' Halloween candy. It's like the government taking its cut, but in Snickers and lollipops. My dad used to call it "parental duties." I called it "robbery with a smile." And if you have siblings, Halloween becomes a strategic operation. The candy negotiations were intense. It was like a UN summit with more M&M's involved. I remember my sister trying to trade her toothpaste-flavored taffy for my Reese's. Nice try, sis. You're not fooling anyone with your dental hygiene agenda.
But hey, Halloween is all about making memories and enjoying the sugar rush while it lasts. Just remember, if you wake up on November 1st with a stomach ache, you did Halloween right!
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