17 Jokes About Timing Is Everything

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Updated on: Jan 28 2025

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I asked the tailor if he could stitch up my shirt. He said, 'Certainly, but it may take some time.' Well, at least he understands timing!
Why did the scarecrow become a successful comedian? Because he had outstanding timing in the field!
Why did the procrastinator become a time traveler? Because he always wanted to meet deadlines in the past!
Why did the clock go to therapy? It had too much time on its hands and couldn't handle it!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of bad timing!
I started a band called '999 Megabytes.' We haven't gotten a gig yet. It seems timing is everything, even in the digital world!
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. Timing is everything, especially when it comes to happy hours!

Texting Troubles

Timing is everything, especially in texting. I accidentally sent a message to my boss that was meant for my friend. Now I have a new job title: Master of Autocorrect Excuses.

Late for Laughs

They say timing is everything. I tested this theory by showing up late to my own surprise party. The only surprise was how many people left before I got there.

Dentist Appointment Disaster

Timing is everything, just ask my dentist. I tried telling a knock-knock joke right when he had his hands in my mouth. The punchline? I drooled on his shoes.

Cooking Catastrophes

Timing is everything, especially in the kitchen. I tried making instant noodles in three minutes once. Now I have a fire extinguisher with trust issues.

Doctor's Office Dilemma

They say timing is everything. I sneezed right as the doctor was checking my reflexes. Let's just say I discovered a new symptom: involuntary karate kicks.

My Relationship's Comic Timing

My girlfriend keeps telling me that timing is everything. She's right. I finally understood when I tried to be romantic during her favorite TV show. The only thing I caught that night was the season finale of our relationship.

Job Interview Jitters

They say timing is everything, especially in a job interview. I asked the interviewer if they drug test right after demonstrating my impeccable moonwalk skills. Needless to say, I'm still unemployed.

Traffic Troubles

They say timing is everything. I got stuck in traffic on the way to a comedy club once. The irony is that the only thing moving slower than the cars was the audience's laughter when I finally got on stage.

The Comedy of Chronos

Have you ever noticed that timing is everything? I mean, I tried telling a joke once during a moment of silence at a funeral. Let's just say, my comedic timing wasn't the only thing buried that day.

Bad Hair Day Timing

You know timing is everything when you decide to have a bad hair day on the same day you run into your ex. It's like my hair was trying to break up with me before she could.

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