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Why did the computer apply for a doomsday job? It wanted to be Ctrl-Alt-Defeated!
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Why did the pessimistic chef think the world was ending? He ran out of thyme!
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I told my plant the world is ending. It replied, 'Well, that's a root awakening!
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I used to be a baker, but now I'm convinced the end is nigh. I knead to prepare!
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Why did the chicken join a doomsday cult? It wanted to be part of the poultry-geist!
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I wanted to make a belt out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time—especially if the end is nigh!
The End is Nigh - DIY Apocalypse Kits
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I heard the end is nigh, so I rushed to Walmart and bought this DIY apocalypse kit. It comes with a flashlight, canned food, and a guide on how to barter with zombies. Because nothing says survival like trading a can of beans for your life.
The End is Nigh - Apocalypse Fitness Routine
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I've started a new fitness routine because, you know, the end is nigh. It's called Zombie Cardio. It's simple: run like your life depends on it, because it probably does. Forget the gym; the real gains are in outrunning the undead.
The End is Nigh - Apocalypse Dating Tips
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With the end approaching, I'm trying out some new pickup lines. Are you a doomsday clock? Because every second with you feels like the end is nigh. Turns out, the apocalypse is a great time for romance. Who knew?
The End is Nigh - Doomsday Preppers Anonymous
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I joined a support group for doomsday preppers. It's called Doomsday Preppers Anonymous. Our motto is, We're ready for anything, but please don't make us socialize. It turns out, stockpiling canned goods doesn't prepare you for the awkward small talk during the apocalypse.
The End is Nigh - Apocalypse Fashion Trends
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I'm preparing for the end, and I've decided my apocalypse outfit is going to be on point. I call it 'Post-Apocalyptic Chic.' Gas masks are the new sunglasses, and radiation suits are the must-have accessory. Who says you can't look fabulous while outrunning mutant creatures?
The End is Nigh - A Millennial's Armageddon
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The end is nigh, and I'm thinking, Great, just what we need. Another existential crisis. Millennials are like, We survived Y2K, swine flu, and avocado shortages. We got this. The only thing we're not equipped to handle is running out of Wi-Fi during the apocalypse.
The End is Nigh - Apocalypse Diet Plan
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They say the end is nigh, so I've started my apocalypse diet plan. It's called Eat Whatever You Want Because Who Cares, We're All Doomed Anyway. Kale? No thanks. I'll take the chocolate-covered Twinkies, please. The only six-pack I'm working on is a pack of soda.
The End is Nigh - The Ultimate Alarm Clock
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You know, they say the end is nigh, but honestly, isn't that the best wake-up call ever? Forget about annoying beeps or chirpy morning alarms. Just imagine a booming voice from the heavens going, Wake up, people! It's the apocalypse! Time to seize the day... or whatever's left of it!
The End is Nigh - Apocalypse Pet Peeves
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The end is nigh, and I've got some pet peeves about the apocalypse. Like, why do zombies always walk so slow? It's like, Come on, pick up the pace! We're trying to end the world here, and you're strolling like it's a Sunday picnic. Lazy zombies, the real menace.
The End is Nigh - Heaven's Yelp Review
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So, apparently, the end is nigh. I'm just hoping that when it happens, God gives us a chance to leave a Yelp review for heaven. Five stars for cloud comfort, minus one star for the lack of Wi-Fi. I mean, if I'm going to eternity, I need some entertainment options.
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