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I've figured it out, guys. Terry Crews doesn't have a personal trainer. He IS the personal trainer. I mean, imagine having Terry Crews yelling motivational phrases at you during your workout. "You can do it! Flex those muscles! Feel the burn! And remember, the harder you work, the more you'll start looking like me!" I tried having Terry Crews as my motivational coach once. I played one of his workout videos while on the treadmill. But instead of feeling motivated, I just felt really inadequate. I was running on that treadmill like I was being chased by my own lack of biceps.
Terry Crews, if you're listening, I need you to record a motivation video specifically for people who prefer lifting pizza slices instead of dumbbells. "You can do it! Lift that slice to your mouth! Feel the flavor! And remember, the more you eat, the closer you get to mastering the art of snack-fu!
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Let's talk about Terry Crews and Old Spice. That man is the face of Old Spice, and every time I see those commercials, I'm like, "Do I need to smell like I just wrestled a bear in the middle of a thunderstorm?" Because that's the vibe I'm getting. I went to buy Old Spice once, thinking it would give me that Terry Crews confidence. I put it on, and suddenly I felt like I should be on a horse, riding through the wilderness, shouting, "Look at your man, now back to me." But in reality, I was just going to the grocery store to buy milk. The cashier didn't seem impressed.
I think Terry Crews could sell anything. He could be the spokesperson for broccoli, and I'd buy it just because he flexed his pecs while talking about the nutritional value. "Eat your greens, folks, and flex for health!
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You guys ever seen Terry Crews? That guy's energy is off the charts! I mean, if I had half the energy he has, I'd probably be able to conquer the world... or at least get through a Monday without three cups of coffee. You know, I was watching an interview with Terry Crews, and he was talking about how he wakes up at 4:30 in the morning to work out. 4:30! I didn't even know there were two 4:30s in a day! And here I am, hitting snooze on my alarm clock like it owes me money.
I tried to channel my inner Terry Crews the other day. Woke up at 4:30, hit the gym, and you know what happened? I ended up hugging my pillow at 5:30 in the afternoon. Turns out, my inner Terry Crews is more like an inner Terry Takes-Naps. But hey, I tried!
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Imagine having Terry Crews as your uncle at family gatherings. Every time he walks into the room, it's like the party just upgraded to VIP status. He's probably the only uncle who can turn a simple barbecue into a full-blown action movie scene. And you know how uncles always have those embarrassing dad jokes? Well, Terry's dad jokes probably involve bench pressing the kitchen table. "Hey kids, want to hear a joke? Knock, knock. Who's there? Uncle Terry, and I brought the gains!"
I bet his nieces and nephews are the most fit kids in the neighborhood. Forget the jungle gym; Uncle Terry's got a home gym, and it's open 24/7.
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