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You ever hear people try to describe a strong drink? It's like they're mixing metaphors faster than the bartender can mix the ingredients. "It hits you like a freight train but goes down as smooth as jazz." I'm thinking, "Are we talking about a drink or a heist movie?" And then they say, "It's so strong; it's like swallowing fire." I tried that once—turns out, fire does not pair well with nachos.
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Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about strong drinks. You know, the kind of drink that looks at orange juice and says, "You call that a mixer?" I recently tried a drink so strong, it asked for my ID! I felt like I was sipping on the elixir of immortality. I'm pretty sure it's the secret to time travel because after a few sips, I was convinced I could visit my past and warn myself not to order that drink!
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I recently went to a bar that had a strong drink challenge. You know it's serious when they call it a challenge. They had names like "The Nuclear Martini" and "The Volcano Eruption." I ordered one called "The Strongman's Surprise," and let me tell you, the surprise was how I managed to stay upright after drinking it. It had so much alcohol; I think even the ice cubes were tipsy. I felt like I should get a medal just for finishing it. Forget the Olympics; I just won the Strong Drink Olympics!
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You ever notice how conversations change when people start drinking something strong? It's like the beverage is not just a drink; it's a truth serum. I had a friend order a strong drink the other day, and suddenly he's confessing things like he's in a spy movie. "I once ate my roommate's leftovers. I'm sorry, Dave, if you're out there." And then he looks at the drink and says, "You're a good listener." I'm pretty sure he's now in a committed relationship with that glass.
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