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You know, we've got these fancy voice-activated assistants now, like Siri. But, I swear, Siri must be related to my mom. I asked Siri for directions, and it was like navigating through a labyrinth. "Turn left in 500 feet." Okay, got it. "Now, turn right." Wait, what? I just turned left! Siri's like a backseat driver with an attitude. I miss the days when the only voice giving me directions was my mom saying, "Are you sure you don't want me to drive?
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Can we talk about social media language for a moment? People say, "I'm low-key obsessed with this new show." Low-key? What happened to just being obsessed? It's like we're all secret agents of obsession. And then there's "FOMO" – fear of missing out. I've got FOMO so bad that I attend events in my mind that I never even knew were happening. My social life is a virtual reality created by FOMO. I need a glossary just to understand what people are saying online. Can someone send me the emoji-to-English translation guide?
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You ever notice how we all speak English, but it's like we're each handed a different dictionary at birth? I mean, it's the same language, but the interpretations... oh boy. I recently discovered that when my friend says, "I'll be there in five minutes," what they really mean is, "I just left my house, and I'll be there in 20 minutes, maybe 30 if I stop for coffee." It's like they're using the metric system of time, and I'm stuck in the imperial zone. I need a translation app just for my friends.
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Let's talk about auto-correct. It's like having a mischievous little goblin in your phone, just waiting to embarrass you. I texted my boss once saying, "I'll be in the office around 10." Auto-correct had other plans. It sent, "I'll be in the orifice around 10." Yeah, that was a fun HR meeting. Now I triple-check everything before hitting send. My phone's trying to turn me into a stand-up comedian, but I'm not ready for that open mic night in the HR department.
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