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Fitness Class Fables
Surviving workout classes where the instructor speaks fitness jargon in English
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In the middle of a spin class, the instructor yelled, "Push through the resistance!" I pedaled faster, thinking I was defying gravity. Turns out, I was just defying common sense and basic physics.
Lost in Translation at the Drive-Thru
Trying to order fast food when English isn't your first language
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I asked for a water cup, and the guy handed me a cup and pointed to the soda fountain. I guess my pronunciation was so bad; he thought I said, "I'd like a water cup filled with Dr. Pepper and a splash of embarrassment.
Online Dating Dictionary
Decoding dating profiles and conversations in English
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I got a message that said, "I'm looking for my partner in crime." I thought I found someone who wanted to solve mysteries with me. Turns out, she just wanted someone to split the bill when we commit the crime of ordering too much food.
Parenting Language Barrier
Communicating with your kids in English when they speak their own language
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Trying to explain the concept of a timeout to my daughter felt like negotiating a peace treaty with a foreign country. I said, "You sit here quietly for five minutes." She heard, "Take this time to perfect your interpretive dance routine.
Navigating Office Jargon
Dealing with workplace English that sounds like a different language
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They introduced a new project management tool at work, and I feel like I'm deciphering hieroglyphics. The only thing I've managed to project is confusion. If they wanted me to be a codebreaker, they should've just sent me to spy school.
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