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Rory is obsessed with productivity apps. He has one for everything - time management, goal setting, even an app to remind him to drink water. I suggested he download an app to remind him to stop downloading apps. It's getting out of hand!
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Rory's idea of a wild Friday night is rearranging his bookshelf. I told him to live a little, and he replied, "I am living – vicariously through the exciting lives of my book characters." Someone get this man a Netflix subscription, please!
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Rory believes in the power of positive thinking. He once tried to convince me that folding laundry is a life-changing experience. I'm sorry, Rory, but no amount of positivity will make me enjoy matching socks.
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You know those people who talk in their sleep? Well, Rory sleep talks in motivational quotes. Last night, he mumbled, "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." I don't even want to know what that means.
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Rory loves giving advice, but he's terrible at taking it. He'll lecture you about a healthy lifestyle while he's in the corner, sneaking chocolate from his secret stash. It's like taking financial advice from a guy drowning in credit card debt.
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Have you ever borrowed something from Rory? The guy labels everything. I asked for a pen once, and he handed me one that said "Property of Rory" - Dude, it's a pen, not the Mona Lisa.
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Rory is the only guy I know who buys a gym membership and then takes the escalator to get to the gym. I mean, come on, Rory, you're defeating the purpose!
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You ever notice how Rory sets an alarm to wake up early every day, but when it actually goes off, he hits snooze like it owes him money? I swear, his snooze button gets more action than my social life.
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Rory recently started a diet, and now he's that guy at the restaurant asking a million questions about the menu. "Is the salad organic? Are the tomatoes locally sourced?" I just want to tell him, "Rory, it's a burger joint, not a farmers' market!
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