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Retirement is the only time in life when you can say you're "busy" while spending an entire day doing absolutely nothing. I've got a packed schedule of sitting on the porch, staring into the distance, and contemplating whether it's too early for a snack.
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I've realized that retirement is just one long coffee break, with the occasional nap thrown in. I used to drink coffee for energy; now I just do it to stay awake through my naps.
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You know you're getting old when your idea of a wild night is staying up past 9 p.m. Forget the club, I'm partying in my dreams by 9:30!
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Retirement planning is tricky. It's like saving money for a vacation you're not sure you'll ever take. "Honey, pack your bags! We're going to the living room!
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I've learned that retirement is a lot like being a kid again, but with more aches and pains. The only difference is now, when I fall down, I stay down until I can find the strength to complain about it.
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Retirement gives you a newfound appreciation for daytime television. Suddenly, you're an expert on soap operas, cooking shows, and the exciting world of infomercials. I never knew I needed a pocket-sized vacuum until retirement convinced me I did.
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Retirement has turned me into a professional napper. I don't just sleep; I've elevated it to an art form. If there were an Olympic event for napping, I'd be the Michael Jordan of siestas.
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The great thing about retirement is you have all the time in the world to pursue your hobbies. Of course, my main hobby seems to be rearranging the contents of my refrigerator and pretending it's a thrilling adventure.
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Retirement is like one long weekend, but instead of dreading Monday, you start to forget what day it even is. Is it Saturday or Tuesday? Who cares? Every day is "Nap Day.
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