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You ever notice how everyone's got a Patreon nowadays? It's like, "Hey, I'm not just living my life, I'm crowdfunding it. If you enjoy my existence, feel free to throw in a couple of bucks!
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Patreon feels like that friend who borrows money from you but promises to pay you back with interest. You're sitting there waiting for the interest, and all you get is a postcard from their vacation in Bermuda.
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I signed up for someone's Patreon once, thinking I'd get exclusive content. Turns out, the exclusive content was just them eating cereal in their pajamas. I can do that for free in front of my own mirror, thank you very much.
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You know Patreon has become a thing when even fictional characters have their own pages. I saw one for Cinderella – for $100 a month, she promises exclusive photos of her shoe collection.
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Patreon is so popular now that even my grandma has one. Her page is called "Grandma's Cookies" – for $2 a month, she'll share her secret cookie recipes. Spoiler alert: it's just chocolate chip cookies with an extra pinch of love.
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I joined a Patreon for a cooking channel, thinking I'd learn some fancy recipes. Turns out, the only thing I mastered was the art of ordering takeout while watching them cook.
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I started my own Patreon recently. For $50 a month, you get to watch me attempt to assemble IKEA furniture. It's like a live-action comedy show, but with more frustration and fewer instructions.
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Patreon is like modern-day busking, but instead of playing a guitar on the street, you're sitting at home making weird faces into a camera, hoping people will toss a virtual coin your way.
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I told my friend I was considering starting a Patreon. He said, "What would be your exclusive content?" I replied, "Me attempting to juggle responsibilities and dropping the ball – literally and metaphorically.
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