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Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about the obvious. You know, those things that are so apparent, you wonder why someone even bothered pointing them out. I mean, who's the genius that decided to label the exit on the freeway? "Oh, thanks! I was planning on taking my chances with interdimensional travel!" And then there's the weather forecast. I love how they state the obvious with such confidence. "Tomorrow, it's going to be dark at night." Really? I was hoping for a surprise solar eclipse!
Have you ever been in an elevator with one of those signs that says, "In case of fire, do not use the elevator"? Well, no kidding! I wasn't planning on turning it into a cozy, fireproof cabin, complete with marshmallows and a Netflix subscription!
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I imagine if there were a superhero named Captain Obvious, his superpower would be stating the blatantly apparent. "Look over there! It's a tree!" Thanks, Captain Obvious, I thought it was a giraffe in clever disguise. And imagine him in action during a crime scene. "The criminal broke the window to get in!" Brilliant deduction, Captain! I was worried they might have used the secret teleportation device hidden in the doormat.
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You ever notice how people state the obvious in the form of a question? "Is it raining outside?" No, I'm just practicing my interpretive dance moves with a watering can. Of course, it's raining! And when someone asks, "Are you eating again?" No, I've developed a new form of meditation that involves staring at this sandwich until I achieve enlightenment. Yes, I'm eating again; it's called survival!
And don't get me started on the classic, "Did you get a haircut?" No, I just lost 50 pounds of hair weight. I'm practically weightless now, floating through life with my fabulous new 'do.
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We're all familiar with life hacks, right? Well, here's an obvious life hack for you: if you're cold, put on a sweater. Revolutionary, I know! No need to thank me for changing your life. And how about this one? If you want to wake up early, set an alarm. I know, mind-blowing! Someone give me a Nobel Prize for this groundbreaking discovery. I can see the headline now: "Genius Comedian Solves Sleep Epidemic with Obvious Wisdom.
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