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I've been thinking about joining a support group for people who feel invisible. The problem is, no one can see me to sign up! It's like being a ghost in the dating world. I went to a speed-dating event, and when it was my turn, the girl said, "I'm sorry, I only date living people." Ouch! I guess I should have worn my "I'm visible if you squint" T-shirt. I'm not saying nobody loves me, but my love life is starting to resemble a secret agent mission—lots of sneaking around, but no one noticing.
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New Year's resolutions are always about getting fit or learning a new skill. My resolution? To find someone who will tolerate my puns. I'm not saying nobody loves me, but my last relationship ended because I told too many dad jokes. Can you believe it? She said, "It's not me; it's 'punny.'" I've decided my next relationship will be with someone who appreciates wordplay. I mean, if we can't laugh together, what's the point? It's time to find someone who thinks my cheesy pick-up lines are grate.
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You ever have one of those days where you're just sitting at home, and suddenly a sad country song starts playing in your head? Yeah, that's me every day. I recently realized my theme song is "The Lonely Love Blues." I mean, I'm not saying nobody loves me, but even my mirror looks away when I try to make eye contact. It's tough out here, folks. I tried online dating, and the algorithm matched me with a tumbleweed. At least it rolls with the punches.
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They say love is like a microwave—you can't rush it. Well, nobody's even hitting the "defrost" button for me! I tried speed dating, but apparently, they meant the dates would be fast, not my chances of finding love. I'm not saying nobody loves me, but my romantic life is like a microwave that only works for other people. Maybe I need a firmware update or something. Imagine if you could update your dating profile like you update your apps: "New and improved: now with 20% more charm!
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