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Joke Types
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Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts, unlike me who tries to approach someone and gets rejected!
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Why did the lonely computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes of emotional baggage!
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Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing and realized even veggies have better relationships than me!
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I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time – much like my quest for true love!
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I tried to make a belt out of dollar bills. It didn't hold up well – kind of like my attempts at buying love!
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Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged – much like my heart every time I try to express my feelings!
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Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired of trying to balance, just like me trying to balance a relationship!
The Unlovable Blues
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You ever feel like nobody loves you? I do. In fact, I've turned it into a catchy blues song. ♫ Nobody loves me, but that's okay, 'cause my cat thinks I'm cool, and that's what really matters. ♫
Nobody Loves Me, Everybody Hates Me
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You know that saying, Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I'll go eat worms? Yeah, that's my mantra. But honestly, who needs love when you've got a good worm salad recipe?
My Tinder Bio
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I updated my Tinder bio to say, Nobody loves me, but I make a mean grilled cheese. Let's just say, I've got a date with someone who shares my passion for melted cheese. Love might not be in the air, but the aroma of a perfectly grilled sandwich is close enough.
The Only Fan Club I Need
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They say nobody loves me, but have they met my only fan? It's this squeaky ceiling fan in my apartment that claps for me every time I tell a joke. It's the most loyal audience member I've got.
Dating Advice from Siri
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Nobody loves me, so I asked Siri for dating advice. She said, Try updating your software, maybe then you'll be compatible with someone. Thanks, Siri, but I was hoping for a love patch, not a software update.
Love in the Air?
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Nobody loves me, they say. Well, I tried to catch some love in the air, but all I got was a lungful of pollution and a restraining order from a confused pigeon.
Valentine's Day Dilemma
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Valentine's Day is always tough for me. I look at the calendar, see February 14th approaching, and think, Ah, yes, another year of pretending my cat got me those roses.
Love is Blind, But Not Deaf
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They say love is blind, but apparently, it has excellent hearing. Every time I try to whisper sweet nothings to my sandwich, it falls apart.
Nobody Loves Me, But Amazon Does
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Sure, nobody loves me, but have you seen my Amazon order history? I've got packages arriving so frequently; I'm starting to think the delivery guy might propose to me soon.
My Relationship Status
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I saw a meme the other day that said, If you're lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. After a while, it won't feel like you're alone anymore. So, I've decided to update my relationship status to In a committed relationship with horror movies.
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