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The Sewing Machine Whisperer
When your sewing machine has a mind of its own
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The other day, my sewing machine started making strange noises. I asked, "Are you possessed?" It replied, "No, just under-threaded." Well, that's a relief. I can handle a rebellious sewing machine, but a possessed one is a whole different stitchuation.
The Voodoo Doll Hobbyist
When your voodoo doll starts asking for a union
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My voodoo doll filed a complaint with HR. Apparently, it's upset about the working conditions. I tried to explain that being stuck with pins is just part of the job, but it insisted on dental benefits. I never thought I'd negotiate with a doll, but here we are.
The Haystack Hoarder
Looking for a needle in a haystack and proud of it
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I threw a party recently and invited all my needle-finding friends. It was a blast! Until someone accidentally dropped their knitting needles. Now, good luck finding anything in my haystack of a living room.
The Record-Breaking Thread Untangler
Setting a world record for the longest time spent untangling a ball of thread
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I'm currently in the Guinness World Records book for the longest time spent untangling thread. They asked me for a quote, so I said, "It's not about the destination; it's about the knots you make along the way." Now, I'm hoping they'll add a category for the most puns in a world record quote.
The Acupuncture Enthusiast
When acupuncture becomes a competitive sport
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I tried to impress my acupuncturist by telling him I have a high pain tolerance. He said, "Great! Let's see how you handle these gold medal-grade needles." Suddenly, I miss the days when the only sharp competition was at the supermarket.
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