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People say looks aren't everything, and I totally agree. I mean, who needs good looks when you can have a face that can launch a thousand ships... in the opposite direction?
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People often say I have a face for radio. Well, I guess that's why my dating profile picture is an audio clip saying, "I enjoy long walks and have a soothing voice.
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You ever notice how when good-looking people take selfies, it's called a photo shoot, but when I do it, it's a crime scene?
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My mirror told me I'm not ugly; I'm just "aesthetically challenged." Well, thank you, mirror, for using a thesaurus to spare my feelings.
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You know, someone once told me that beauty is only skin deep. Well, I must be on the deepest layer of the Earth's crust because, folks, I'm practically a geological marvel.
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I asked my friend for fashion advice, and they said, "Just be yourself!" So now I walk around in sweatpants and a T-shirt that says, "This is me, take it or leave it.
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I tried one of those beauty apps that claim to enhance your features. Yeah, it turned my profile picture into a "before" photo for the app's apology campaign.
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I tried using a dating app, and when I set my profile picture, it came with a pop-up message: "Are you sure about this?" Thanks for the confidence boost, technology.
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You know you're not a heartthrob when the only love letters you receive are from your mom and the power company reminding you to pay your bill.
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