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Little Billy's approach to vegetables is revolutionary. He looks at his plate, squints, and says, "I think the broccoli is trying to communicate with the carrots. It's a veggie conspiracy!
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I tried playing hide and seek with Little Billy. He hid so well that even Waldo would've given him a round of applause. Turns out, he was in the laundry hamper the whole time – the one place I never check.
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Little Billy has this incredible ability to find the one muddy puddle in a 10-mile radius. It's like he has a sixth sense for turning his shoes into a Jackson Pollock masterpiece.
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Trying to get Little Billy to clean his room is like negotiating a peace treaty with a herd of wild squirrels. "But Mom, the mess adds character!
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I asked Little Billy how school was going, and he said, "It's like a real-life Minecraft server – you never know who's gonna steal your lunch.
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You ever notice how Little Billy's energy is like a perpetual motion machine? I asked him once what his bedtime was, and he said, "Well, when the sun runs out of batteries, I guess.
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Little Billy's bedtime stories are on another level. Last night, he requested a tale about a superhero who fights crime with a magic vacuum cleaner. Move over, Marvel – we've got a new cinematic universe in the making.
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Little Billy has this talent for turning a simple game of Monopoly into a high-stakes negotiation. I offered him Park Place for $50, and he countered with my car keys, a snack, and exclusive bedtime story rights.
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Little Billy's idea of a gourmet meal is anything that comes with a toy. He asked me once if we could have Happy Meals for Thanksgiving. I can already hear the Pilgrims rolling in their graves.
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